Girls S2E10 – I Can’t Be the Only Thing You Like

19 Mar

First, I must say it’s been a pleasure watching this season with all of you. Your comments, personal e-mails sent to me about episodes or characters and interaction with me via this blog have been really rewarding and I often feel that half the reason I love to watch Girls is because I love to talk about it. Last night after finishing the finale I felt a whole mix of emotions – frustrated, a little angry, a little happy, and ultimately hopeful for next season.

Everyone is a MESS!

Everyone is a MESS!

I was initially pretty pissed that everything turned out just fine for everyone (relatively speaking) even though it felt really unearned (esp. the Marnie sitch — yikes) but I think we need to look at this finale as a pause in action — not the end of a romantic comedy (despite the last ten minutes). We’re going to see next season what happens when everyone gets what they think they want — and I suspect it won’t be happily ever after for long.

I was able to talk out my feelings with a friend via an hour long g-chat about the episode where she pointed out that Girls must be doing something right because we just spent double the time of the episode talking about it. Truth. So let’s get to talking. I’m less angry than I was last night, but still feeling like this season could have gone in a different and more satisfying direction. So to the recap.

Hannah

Hannah is still in a downward spiral she can’t pull herself out of. I could talk about how annoyed I am that the OCD we never really heard about before three episodes ago has factored in so heavily in the end arc of Hannah’s story this season, but I will refrain. It’s almost like it’s a weird device being used to make us feel sympathy for Hannah when I really don’t want to feel bad for her. And then I feel bad for her a little and kind of hate myself for it.

Get serious about life Hannah!

Get serious about life Hannah!

Hannah’s in the same shirt we saw her in last episode and her hair is so greasy it looks like she combed a pork chop through it. She’s a mess and dodging doing her work and hiding from the world. Part of this definitely can be attributed to her fragile mental state, but part of it is that Hannah is the worst and is using her illness as a crutch to avoid her responsibilities. She gets an angry call from her editor (whom I love just for looking at/narrating pics of Chloe Sevigny while waiting for Hannah to pick up) basically demanding pages or else she’ll be sued and she flies into panic.

Here’s the thing. The editor is right. He paid Hannah for her pages and she needs to start producing them – because that is what writing for a living is. This guy trusted Hannah and she is jerking him around. The threat of being sued naturally freaks Hannah out so she calls her dad and asks him to loan her money to pay back her advance so she can be “free in her creative process”. Bleh.

Love him.

Love him.

And in the best move ever – her dad calls her out and says he babied her too much as a kid and let her skip school to dodge out of things and has made excuses for her for too long. He tells her she needs to stop doing this and live up to her responsibilities, he isn’t bailing her out and he won’t be manipulated by her again. Nicely done dad. You’re doing the right thing. Cut the cord dude, Hannah needs to fail without rescue in order to get her ass in gear.

Later in the episode Marnie comes to check on Hannah at the apartment since she hasn’t been returning her texts (I guess it’s a good sign that they are still sort of in touch). Hannah runs and hides when she hears Marnie’s voice. Marnie comes in and yells around the apartment looking for Hannah, knowing that she is there. She tells her she is worried as she looks around the clearly messy and disgusting apartment. She refuses to look for Hannah under the bed and then she sees what I thought would cause her to stay and really talk with Hannah – she sees that Hannah is planning to write about them. “A friendship between college girls is grander and more dramatic than any romance.” This friendship break-up has been rough on both of them and instead of staying to talk – Marnie takes a candelabra and books it out of there. Yikes.

Hot mess express. Ticket for one.

Hot mess express. Ticket for one.

Sorry for this tangent but….

I’ve been thinking that one reason why I really loved this show last season was because I loved the way the ensemble of characters bounced off each other and how the girls (while they could be shitty to each other as friends sometimes are) genuinely were there for each other and had affection for each other. It emphasized the importance of these friendships and relationships in their life and I remember the roomie break-up of Hannah and Marnie seeming worse than any romantic break because it meant so much more.

This season each girl has existed in her own vacuum of a story line. No one really hung out and they became increasingly isolated from each other instead choosing to get their “love” and support from the dudes in their lives. This has lead to them having really shitty years – Jessa and Thomas John was a disaster, Hannah’s myriad of lovers brought her no happiness or sanity, Shosh’s whole life started revolving around Ray and Marnie let her break-up with Charlie and relationship with Booth define her life. UGH. This made this season really hard to watch. See the video below for evidence

Watching these girls define themselves by the men in their lives was difficult though I know it’s something a lot of girls in their 20s go through. We all have had that friend who defines herself by who her slampiece is or who disappears when she gets a boyfriend – it’s not uncommon, but I guess I just wanted more from these four.

Okay, so back to Hannah. After Marnie leaves she decides to continue to eat Cool Whip, read magazines, and give herself a haircut instead of doing her work. She tries for a Carey Mulligan look and botches it completely which leads to her going to Laird’s apartment for help. Laird fixes her up so she looks slightly less terrible.

Looking very Girl, Interrupted here.

Looking very Girl, Interrupted here.

Hannah explains that she doesn’t want to clean up her own mess and how she just wishes there was someone there to help her. Laird is kind and tells her he cleans up his own messes too and it’s a difficult thing to do and it hurts sometimes. It’s a genuinely sweet scene until Hannah nearly passes out from not eating/anxiety and tells Laird to be gentle but she’s too weak to fight him off sexually. Presumptuous much Hannah Banana?

Laird’s exchange with Hannah is the best. He tells her he doesn’t like her like that anymore after seeing how she treats people and that her insides are rotten. He tells her she is the most presumptuous and self-absorbed person he has ever met and that he thinks the scene in her head must be pretty dark. Well done sir (or should I say Councilman Jamm from Parks and Rec).  And as Hannah apologizes for not seeing Laird as person before, I feel the mix of both loathing and empathy for Hannah all at once that is a real signature of this show. Great scene.

Laird - speaker of harsh truth!

Laird – speaker of harsh truth!

Hannah then returns to her apartment to call Jessa and freak out on her for bailing on her and basically says she has no friends and no one to talk to about the shit going on in her life (even though she has been burning bridges all season and shouldn’t be surprised). She calls Marnie an anorexic, Shosh becomes “fucking Shosh” and Adam is her “stalker ex-boyfriend”. Way harsh lady.

In the end she calls Adam (who is totally the season’s MVP) via Facetime and he comes to her rescue as he runs down the street and stays on the phone with her. Yes, it’s absurd and romantic and had I not been completely frustrated with Hannah at this moment then I would have loved it more when Adam beat down the door and came in to scoop her up. This was like a cliche rom-com happy ending that I couldn’t get on board with. Not because I don’t love Adam and think its perfectly plausible he’d ride the subway with no shirt, but because this romantic reunion sort of comes out of nowhere. For a moment – Hannah is “rescued”.

Adam is the best, but does Hannah deserve this?

Adam is the best, but does Hannah deserve this?

I guess I feel like I should have felt more here, but I didn’t. It was sweet and I love Adam but I also know that a real relationship between these two is going to be a lot more difficult than breaking down someone’s door and scooping them up. Hannah’s still going to get sued most likely, she still has OCD and a bad haircut, and she still will have problems with Adam. She is back to square one, but hopefully manned with a little more knowledge from her many mistakes this season. I’m interested to see where she goes next even if she is totally the wound of the season.

Shosh and Ray

First of all, that sex scene was so painful. Fellas you know there is trouble in paradise when your girl is wearing a hoodie during sex and essentially not into it at all and tells you she doesn’t want to finish. Yikes. Shosh brings up yet again that she wants Ray to have ambition and to want something because she can’t live like this.

Adorably, Ray goes to Grumpy’s to quit and get back on track finishing his PhD in Philosophy (of course!). Colin Quinn (Grumpy) tells him that his girlfriend doesn’t want a doctor of philosophy but rather someone who is going to be able to provide for her and buy her croissant shaped fancy purses. He is opening a new Grumpy’s in Brooklyn Heights and wants Ray to run the new store and build it from the ground up. He tells Ray he can make a good living out of it and that he can pursue his passions on the weekend. Ray takes the job but asks for a more impressive title for Shosh’s benefit and it’s all oddly sweet.

So Colin Quinn has been running Grumpy's since leaving SNL. Cool

So Colin Quinn has been running Grumpy’s since leaving SNL. Cool

Ray comes home with the good news but is met by a less than enthusiastic Shosh who begins to try to break up with him in what I would call the best acted scene of the night. Adam Driver might be the MVP of the season, but Zosia Mamet is a very close second. Her breakdown over how Ray doesn’t like anything she likes and the list of things he hates including the sound of children playing and going out to dinner (which Shosh LOVES) and ribbons is both heartbreaking and hilarious all at once.

She tells Ray she can’t grow into the person she is supposed to be with his black soul hanging over her, she needs experiences and positivity. Ray asks if there is someone else, some adult blonde male waiting in the wings. But Shosh says there isn’t and that maybe someday he’ll change and she’ll grow and she can love his black soul, but not now.

I can't be the only thing you like.

I can’t be the only thing you like.

With that ends the relationship between my two favorite weirdos – Shosh and Ray. Ray takes his Andy Kaufman cut-out and storms out and Shosh breaks down in tears in that amazing butterfly dress. Shosh did the right thing, no matter how much I love Ray. She was right and she told him what she wants. I look forward to seeing Shosh out in the world next year – figuring her shit out. You know she has more amazing things in that weirdo brain of hers than just thinking about/dating Ray.

Emmy nomination please and thank you.

Emmy nomination please and thank you.

Of course the end montage shows Shosh making out with an adult male blonde who looked like Rolf from Sound of Music, but that’s cool. Homegirl needs to be twenty-one and crazy and enjoy college and do fun shit. Get it Shosh. And Ray – I hope you find happiness and life direction and that you get therapy like Shosh suggested.

Marnie and Charlie

Easily the worst of the story lines and the one that chapped my asshole the most. Seriously — suddenly Marnie wants Charlie and thinks she is over everything she’s been going through? The answer is in being with Charlie. It seems pretty obvious to me that Marnie is still in her downward spiral by feeling like she has to cling to the one person who has and will always love her unconditionally. She even convinces herself she loves him and wants to have his little brown babies because it’s better than the alternative of having no job, no friends and no boyfriend.

Casual sex Marnie

Casual sex Marnie

So Marnie and Charlie are doing it. A lot. The scene were he is making a meal out of Marnie is actually pretty funny because she won’t shut up and needs to know when he got so good at this. I actually laughed out loud when she smacked his head and interrupted him to demand this knowledge. But then we’re at brunch with them and Marnie tells him she loves that they are both over their little misadventures and are finally back together like old fogeys. Charlie is like “What the fuck?” with his face and Marnie reads this reaction as they are just having casual sex and freaks out. This is not the rules according to Marnie, she expects Charlie’s love and adoration. She storms off and yells “Do you want to date me or not? Last chance”. UGH!

Charlie chases her down, she tells him she is coming off the worst year of her life and then that she loves him and all she wants is to wake up next to him and make him snacks and have his babies and watch him die. Then Charlie softens and tells her that he always have loved her and always will and that everything good he’s ever done was for her. You guys, I felt like I was in a bad Lifetime movie during this scene. I liked it better when Charlie was a little bitter and Marnie knew that Charlie’s brand of suffocating love wasn’t going to bring her happiness. I felt like these two were playing at being grown-ups in love and reading from a script.

Wait, we're dating?

Wait, we’re dating?

I was pretty pissed that Dunham got these two back together but we all know it’s because Marnie is floundering around so much (last week’s cover of Stronger proves this) that she clings to the only thing she can count on – Charlie’s smothering love for her. This makes me really loathe Marnie, which is hard to write since I was pulling for her all season. She is doing this and going through these motions because it was the life she had planned for herself — marry a good looking (and rich) guy who could support her and she’ll have his babies and live a good life.

You're welcome ladies. Fine as hell.

You’re welcome ladies. Fine as hell.

I know Marnie is more than that, or at least I hope she is and I hope she snaps out of this domestic fantasy. It’s hard to grow up and realize that your life might not go as you had thought or planned it would, but I hope Marnie realizes that this plan she had for herself isn’t going to make her happy before she ruins Charlie’s life more. I think the comment about the money offers a bit of foreshadowing and obviously indicates that Marnie doesn’t necessarily want Charlie but the idea of being taken care of so she doesn’t have to figure her shit out. Just like Hannah. Parallels y’all. Anyway, this storyline was absolutely my least favorite and I am over it already. The reunion speeches they gave each other had me rolling my eyes.

Adam

Adam, why would you leave a total fucking catch like Natalia for a total fucking mess like Hannah? I mean, I think I know why, but it makes me so sad because Natalia is balls out amazing. When they are having sex and she tells him she likes his cock, etc. and then he calls her a whore she becomes my hero when she tells him “Don’t say that. I can like your cock and not be a whore”.  PREACH. I love this broad. She calls Adam on his shit behavior and knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to say it.

We're gonna miss you girl!

We’re gonna miss you girl!

It’s nice to see a woman be assertive in the bedroom on this show in a positive way. Adam listens and then tries to go fast, but she tells him to go slower and isn’t afraid to speak up. Get it girl! But in the end we know this is killing Adam because he is kinkier and more violent than that in bed and this chick won’t give him what he wants sexually and will judge him. This is why I think he misses Hannah. She is more submissive, more understanding of his sexual needs, and more in need of rescue.

Adam - being the best.

Adam – being the best.

While I don’t think Hannah necessarily deserves his grand gesture at the end – I love Adam for recognizing that she really wasn’t well and needed someone and stayed on the phone with her because he was genuinely worried about her and has feelings for her. I died a little when he broke down the door and leapt over the couch before scooping up Hannah and holding her. I think I would have felt more if Hannah hadn’t been so horrible this season, but still — Adam Driver – I love you and think you are the cat’s pajamas. Let’s make out, I don’t even care that you have the face of an old timey criminal.

You've made me love you, I didn't wanna do it, I didn't wanna do it.

You’ve made me love you, I didn’t wanna do it, I didn’t wanna do it.

So ends the season in a montage of love – Hannah safely ensconced (for now) in Adam’s arms, Marnie and Charlie on a yuppie grown up date and looking happy, and Shosh tonguing Draco Malfoy at the bar. But as I said above I was mad at first that the show tied up all the plots in this perfect little bow (and it seemed really rushed that they did it within the span of the last ten minutes of the episode), but we all know that this isn’t over. Our girls are happy…for now. We know that tomorrow all of their problems, hang-ups and issues with both each other and their respective beaus haven’t and won’t go away until they put their lady balls on the table and really talk and grow up. Here’s to season 3.

Winner of the Episode – Shosh, Adam, Hannah’s dad and his freakishly ripped arms

Wounds of the Week – Marnie, Charlie, Hannah

Winner of the Season – Shosh

Wound of the Season – Hannah

Vote for your Wound of the Week

Thanks again for reading. Please follow continue following Brem and I as we take turns recapping Game of Thrones and I start recapping Mad Men once both shows return. Our readers are the best and we appreciate you.

Girls S2 E9 – Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

13 Mar

Good god, I can’t tell you the last time I physically cringed and squirmed so much during an episode of television. This episode had it all — an ear drum puncture from q-tip digging, a splinter in the ass, the most embarrassing party performance ever, an alcoholic falling off the wagon, super agressive and creepy sex (complete with cum shots – yikes), and some mortifying flirting. I actually had to look away from the screen more than once because I was dying for these characters. This is not to say that I thought this was a bad episode by any means, it was just a really uncomfortable one.

Hannah

I was worried they were going to introduce this anxiety and OCD plot and then never really follow through with it after Hannah got medicine at the end of the last episode. Things are still not going well for Hannah in the mental health arena as we can see as she rides the elevator to her publisher meeting and is still displaying various tics.

To say her meeting does not go well is an understatement. Her editor asks her if her hymen grew back and also tells her he didn’t finish her pages not because he was too busy, but because he just didn’t like it and was bored. He tells Hannah to get her shit together and start writing about her sexual escapades – less Jane Austen more EL James. Sex with a teenager? You had him at barely legal. What a total creep. Hannah leaves feeling even more anxious than before and goes home to attempt to write the next great e-book sex novella.

Did your hymen grow back?

Did your hymen grow back?

Whilst at home she slides across the floor and gives herself a massive ass splinter. Not sure why we needed this scene – it seemed gratuitous and weird since the splinter was an accident and she handles it well by getting tweezers, and peroxide and disinfecting the wound post splinter and bandaging it up. I think there might be a Lena Dunham has to be naked in every episode clause in the show’s contract. But then the ass splinter leads Hannah to buying q-tips and she begins to clean her ears.

I just can't.

I just can’t.

It was like watching a horror story – seeing Hannah plunge the q-tip further and harder into her ear. I looked away, I yelled at her to stop, it was awful. And she didn’t stop until she seemingly perforated her ear drum and screamed. God, is there anything more awful than watching things like people aggressively cleaning their ear, cutting their nails too close, popping a zit, or tearing a scab off? I mean, these are things that we all have probably done at one point in our lives – but seeing someone else do it makes it super horrifying.

Hannah ends up at the hospital after a phone call to her parents (I get that, I call my mom before going to the doctor sometimes too, even though she doesn’t have a medical degree) advising her to go there since they are in Michigan and can’t do anything for her.

Dark times for this girl.

Dark times for this girl.

The doctor at the hospital is pretty hilarious and rattles off some good one liners while Hannah explains her anxiety and why she did this. My favorite is when she asks if she can keep the q-tip and the doctor is like ” Certainly, I suggest you frame it”. He probably gets minor crazies like Hannah in the ER every day.

On her way home Hannah (sans pants, naturally) runs into Adam who is escaping the engagement party of Nat’s friend for a few seconds. It’s all kinds of weird and sad. She was going to try and hug him, he rebuffs her. He calls her kid and tell her to get her shit together. She tells him this meeting is making her feel sad and strange. She also tells him about the book deal and he reacts in a very nonchalant way that suggests he has really moved on.

Awkward street encounter.

Awkward street encounter.

Hannah is thrown by the fact that he has a new girlfriend and this girlfriend is a together enough person to have friends who are getting engaged. She heads home – sad, surprised and still anxious. The episode ends with a long shot of Hannah sitting on her tub and looking forlorn. It zooms in on her and then we see her compulsively stick another q-tip into her uninjured ear. Dark stuff y’all. Dark stuff.

You guys, I’m officially worried about Hannah. She has no friends (Shosh and Marnie haven’t really hung out with her much, Elijah’s gone, Jessa’s off the reservation, Adam is cold to her), her book is a mess, she is rocking some serious anxiety and OCD — please tell me this season isn’t going to end with a suicide attempt. I can’t handle this. C’mon Hannah – stop backsliding into your old ways and get yo shit together!

Shosh (& Ray)

I’d like to first address how amazing it is to see Ray in a purple girly snuggie when we first get a Ray/Shosh scene. Shosh is taking care of a slightly sick Ray by doing some “geisha shit” and going overboard to be accommodating to him. He notices she has been acting weird (the guilt of the doorman make-out is eating her up), but he feels bad and apologizes for the geisha comment.

Snuggie enthusiast and dabbler in the Macintosh arts

Snuggie enthusiast and dabbler in the Macintosh arts

Shosh notes that Ray never apologizes and in that moment we can feel just how invested Ray is in his relationship with Shosh. He is doing things that are out of character to make her happy, including helping Marnie lay down her track on Garage Band because he’s a known dabbler in the Macintosh arts (great line and delivery Ray).

We don’t see Shosh and Ray again until they are at Charlie’s AMU celebration party and Shosh is rocking the most magnificent side bun in the universe. It’s like a cinnamon roll is atop her head — it’s so very Shosh. Shosh goes on to flatter Charlie and yammer on about how great he looks and  Ray becomes hostile (and clearly jealous of Charlie’s success) and leaves to grab a shitty beer. Then Shosh actually flirts with Charlie – openly and awkwardly!! What is this behavior young lady?! I know that the doorman makeout unleashed something in you, but flirting with your roommate’s ex is where I’d like to draw the line.

Shosh's hair. I die.

Shosh’s hair. I die.

Shosh continues to circulate around the room – oozing confidence and flirty sex appeal and attracting boys with her half a Princess Leia hairdo much to Ray’s chagrin. Ray is being a jealous boyfriend but with good cause. And he is the only person who applauds after Marnie publicly embarrasses herself (more on that next) so I give him props.

In the end he confronts Shosh on avoiding him and being weird. He asked her point blank (Ray style is the best — he just says what he means) – if she doesn’t like him anymore. She confesses to “holding hands” with a doorman but tells Ray she still loves him and he doesn’t mind. The thing is, Ray isn’t stupid. I kind of think he knows there was more to it than “hand holding” but he is just so desperate to hold onto the only good thing he has in his life that he overlooks the transgression.

Shosh’s face as she tells Ray she still loves him and then gives him a hug is definitely indicative of stormy weather ahead. I’ll slap myself in the face if they aren’t broken up by the end of the finale next week. It’s too bad, they are good for each other, but not good for each other right now. Like so much of life, it comes down to timing.

Marnie

Speaking of timing – Marnie’s is the WORST. We find out that Marnie is taking Ray’s advice and trying to pursue singing. She is attempting to “lay down tracks” on Garage Band and is hoping to add “a little bassoon” to her current jam — What.The.Fuck.Marnie? In more “What the Fuck Marnie?” news — WHY are you trying to have a lunch date with Charlie? Seriously? What’s wrong with you? You basically couldn’t stand the sight of him last season. You’ve pushed him away, acted weird, broke up with him while he was inside you — what the fuck is wrong with you? Leave this dude alone. End rant.

Crazy eyed psycho.

Crazy eyed psycho.

Anyway, Charlie has forgotten their plans because his company now has 20,000 average monthly users or as Shosh would just say “amus” and he is celebrating and forgets the lunch. And would you blame him? At this point I’d stop having anything to do with Marnie, esp. because Charlie is looking fine with a capital F. But because Charlie has a smothering savior complex – he can’t resist the slightly damaged and manic Marnie. He half-heartedly invites her to his company party that night and she accepts.

And now the scene that had me squirming in my seat. I mean, I almost can’t write about it. Marnie brings her ipod, interrupts the DJ and takes the microphone to dedicate a song to Charlie and the company. I was already dying before she even started singing. “Noooooo! Don’t do it. Walk away!” I yelled at the screen. But she didn’t listen. Marnie breaks into the WORST cover of Kanye West’s Stronger that I will probably ever hear. I don’t even know if I can listen to the regular version of Stronger any more after this.

And she just keeps going. Read the room, Marnie! She doesn’t stop. Everyone looks embarrassed for her and she has no idea. How can someone lack that much self-awareness? Is that even possible? She finishes the song — and the awkward silence is only punctured by Ray kindly clapping and cheering.

I'm still dying.

I’m still dying.

In the aftermath of the most cringe inducing performance ever, Charlie pulls Marnie into his office and asks if she is manic. She is still totally clueless and says “It wasn’t that bad, right?” and Charlie gives her the truth and says “Well, it wasn’t good.” THANK GOD. And then Marnie realizes that Charlie pities her. And he does, because at this moment, Marnie is the lowest we (and Charlie) have ever seen her. Her shit is a mess. She needs to hear this. She is flailing.

And as Charlie dealt her some harsh truth – I really liked him AND that he was a stone cold fox. But then, he suddenly becomes the worst when after Marnie asks him not to pity her, he starts making out with her. STOP IT MARNIE AND CHARLIE! This is totally stupid and self-destructive for both of you. And then they start banging on his desk and I just cover my eyes. This isn’t hot, it’s pathetic.

Marnie — I love you and I understand you’re lost and confused — but this is just a terrible idea. And Charlie – you really need to get over your whole “fixing broken girls/damsels in distress” fetish. It’s kind of creepy.

Adam

And once again Adam Driver absolutely owns an episode of Girls. Things with Natalia are going very well. Adam is doing normal boyfriend things like seeing Sandra Bullock movies and staying over at her house. I really like Natalia – she tells Adam she is ready to start having sex with him and then tells him exactly what she likes and doesn’t like. I think it’s great to finally see a woman on this show tell a man what she wants sexually in a way that is totally normal and casual. Adam likes it too and tells her so and she gives the best response “I didn’t know there was another way.” She’s the anti-Hannah, and I’m into it.

Before things went horribly wrong.

Before things went horribly wrong.

Adam likes this girl so much that he even says yes to going to an engagement party even though things like that (or Sandra Bullock movies for that matter) are definitely not his thing. At the engagement party we can see how out of his element Adam is as a bro comes out of the bathroom is like “So pissed we’re missing the game for this” and Adam is like “Yeah” but not interested at all.

Adam also is put through the “meet the friends and get judged” wringer by the hilarious Amy Schumer who is playing the engaged friend. She is a super hilarious stand-up comic btw — check her out. She meets him by flashing her ring, telling Adam she’ll kill him if he hurts Nat, and then tells him about when Nat blew her cousin. SO that’s the kind of night Adam is in for. Schumer and Nat also have the best exchange ever about Adam’s looks as they walk away – “God, he has the face of an old-timey criminal” “No he doesn’t, he looks like Peter Pan!”. TRUTH!

The face of an old timey criminal!

The face of an old timey criminal!

Adam steps outside for air and to escape the party and then runs into Hannah. He seems totally together and fine during this interaction (detailed more in the Hannah section up above) but then goes inside and proceeds to order a drink. I screamed at the screen – NO ADAM! No Jack and ginger!

And what the fuck is wrong with Natalia? Isn’t her mom a recovering alkie? Why would she be totally okay with her alcoholic boyfriend falling off the wagon? How is this a good idea? If you really cared for the dude, you’d tell him you don’t have to stay at the party and then leave together. BUT she doesn’t — what the hell man?

The proceeding montage of dancing and drinking leads me to believe that Adam gets at least a little tipsy before bringing Natalia back to his apartment. She reacts to his place the way any normal human being would – which is mildly terrified and disgusted. I mean – it looks a prop room for Saw and is not the cleanest. Then things get weird and creepy fast. Adam tells Natalia to get on all fours and to crawl to his bed. There is a force behind his voice that we haven’t heard him use in any scenes with her thus far.

Why did you let him drink?!?

Why did you let him drink?!?

Natalia crawls to the bed while rightfully whispering under her breath about getting tetanus and how dirty the floor is and how the situation is weird. Then she asks Adam what the hell is going on and he scoops her and throws her on the bed. For a split second I thought it would go back to being playful and normal after Adam realizes that Natalia isn’t the kind of girl who is into this shit.

Instead the scene takes a dark turn as Adam tells Nat he wants to fuck her from behind and she bewilderingly obliges. He immediately starts banging her and it seems violent and not enjoyable at all, judging from Nat’s face. And all the while Adam is talking and asking questions like “Do you like this? Do you like me now?” and generally being absolutely horrible. Then he pulls out, flips Nat over and finishes himself off on her tits (holy cum shot Batman — I can’t believe HBO can show that and I’m super grateful I don’t watch this show with my parents).

The face of an old timey criminal.
The bed of relationship destruction

Nat looks upset, disgusted and terrified. While I wouldn’t classify this scene as rape as some on the interwebs sites are suggesting – it was definitely a violation. Adam knew Nat wouldn’t be into what he was doing but he did it anyway. I applaud Nat for telling him immediately with tears her eyes that she didn’t like that at all. I’m happy she spoke up because no one deserves to get treated that way.

The most devastating thing about this whole scene is that Adam seems to have done this on purpose. He has willfully sabotaged this nice relationship with this great girl because he thinks he doesn’t deserve it. It sort of breaks my heart, even though I thought Adam was a major asshole and pig in this moment. When he looked at her and said “I guess you’re done with me now”, you could feel his shame and his resignation. Man, Adam Driver is the acting MVP on this show.

So that’s the show for the week. Next week is the season finale and I’ll be bringing you my last Girls recap of the season. What do you think is going to happen?

Here’s what I’m thinking – Hannah — nervous breakdown or suicide attempt, Adam – gets back in touch with Hannah — continues to drink, Marnie – casually sexing with Charlie — maybe he turns the tables and dumps her or maybe she starts pulling herself out of self loathing spiral and starts to get her shit together, Shosh – breaks up with Ray and hopefully gets a lil slutty. Ray – figures out what his passion is and starts pursuing it – I still think he’d be an awesome therapist even though he’s sort of a dick, Charlie – grows a set and dumps Marnie. Jessa – is she still on this show?

Winner of the Week – No one. This was an all around total bummer/cringer

Wound – Everyone? Is that possible?

Early Nineties Nostalgia – Saved by the Bell

11 Mar

Bayside High ruined high school for me. If you grew up in the early to mid nineties then I feel fairly certain that we could sit down and have an intense conversation about the greatest Saturday morning show ever — Saved by the Bell. I’m not talking about the Miss Bliss Years or the College Years and especially not The New Class. I’m talking about the OG SBTB with Zack, Kelly, Slater, Jessie, Screech, Lisa and Mr. Belding.

Just pretend Tori isn't a part of this awesome montage.

Just pretend Tori isn’t a part of this awesome montage.

I don’t know that I can compare it to anything on tv now because it didn’t center around wizards or web series stars or famous singers pretending to be normal like certain Disney shows my niece and nephew are now growing up on. This show centered around a group of normal high school friends in the southern California town of Bayside trying to navigate high school while still pulling the most awesome pranks and generally being the coolest people ever. And while it was about high school, it was silly and not too grown up. It was something for those of us not quite old enough for 90210 but not quite young enough to still watch Tiny Toons.

But back to SBTB ruining high school. You see, eleven year old me really thought that this what was high school was going to be like. I thought the coolest boy in school was going to be as handsome and charming as Zack Morris and that it was absolutely possible that his best friend would be the dorkiest guy in school because they grew up together and you don’t just walk away from that.

The whole gang and power couple Zack and Kelly.

The whole gang and power couple Zack and Kelly.

You could imagine my disappointment when I slowly started to realize that life was going to be more complicated than what kind of shake to order at the Max and that the brainiest girl in school wasn’t going to be dating the class jock. Or that the coolest guy isn’t a jerk and is best friends with a huge dork.

There was a character everyone could relate to or at least have their first crush on. There was the cool, charming, excellently coifed and handsome Zack, the nerd with a heart of gold Screech, the beautiful and cool fashionista Lisa, the brainy and competitive Jessie Spano, the wholesome, kind, prom queen Kelly, the well meaning, sexy meat head jock Slater and the tough but loving Mr. Belding.

Look at that hair. Absolute 90s perfection.

Look at that hair. Absolute 90s perfection.

I was more of a Zack girl than a Slater girl but I fancied myself a Jessie Spano since Lisa was too cool of a dresser and Kelly bored me to death. I recall squealing with delight when Jessie and Zack “accidentally” made out during Snow White rehearsals (twice!). Let’s face it y’all – it was totally the hottest kiss ever on the show – just see the youtube clip below – sorry for the sort of crappy quality – it was all I could find.

There was totes tongue going on. And Jessie was a role model for young girls – showing us that it was cool to be smart and competitive and a feminist who yells at her boyfriend for calling her “mama”.

Hottie with a naughty body (and a sweet mullet)

Hottie with a naughty body (and a sweet mullet)

This show explored serious issues such as addiction (via the super famous “caffeine” pill addiction breakdown compliments of Jessie Spano), drugs (that episode where the movie star pulls out a joint a party), drunk driving, broken hearts, and failure.

But it also was fun and gave us an Oklahoma! themed prom, a rapping/hip hop school play in Snow White and the Seven Dorks, a dance-off hosted by Casey Kasem, and other amazing hi-jinks that I was sure I’d be getting up to once I was sixteen. The show never really talked much about sex, except for the occasional “ooooohs” that would happen when two characters chastely kissed.  It was good wholesome fun that didn’t seem like it was pandering to my very mature eleven year old self.

Buddy bands yo!

Buddy bands yo!

I know this sounds silly to say, but man – they just don’t make em’ like that anymore. While there were romances (notably between Zack and Kelly and Jessie and Slater) – it never felt like that was what the show was about. It was about friendship and having fun. The characters didn’t always all get along and they didn’t always do the right thing, but they learned from their mistakes. Plus, they had the fatherly figure of Mr. Belding who was guiding them, disciplining them, and provided the sort of eye rolling “Oh adults. So out of touch” moments for us.

The best.

The best.

So yep, My name is Erin and I am a Saved by the Bell addict.

Things I learned from watching Saved by the Bell

1) Caffeine pill addiction is no fucking joke. It will make you think you missed the geometry test you already took, be late for Hot Sundae’s gig at the Max and will result in spontaneous singing of “I’m So Excited”.

2) Zack Morris’s hair was perfection.

3) Even though he had a mullet perm – Mario Lopez was bound for future hotness

Get in line ladies.

Get in line ladies.

4) There’s No Hope (clap) with Dope!

5) Just because you say “Time Out” doesn’t mean that everyone is going to freeze like you’re Zack Morris. Trust me, I’ve tried.

Time out!

Time out!

6) There is nothing cooler than high-waisted jeans, Cosby sweaters and giant cell phones.

The fashion was truly the best.
The fashion was truly the best.

The fashion was truly the best.

7) Access to the Principal’s office is as easy as opening a door that looks like it should be a storage closet.

8) Bayside rules and the Valley Bulldogs suck.

9) Meat heads will always have nicknames like “Ox”.

Ox lugging Slater away.

Ox lugging Slater away.

10) It’s entirely possible for a tv show to introduce a character (Tori) and then make her disappear like she never happened in the next set of episodes.

11) When guys have a sleepover they wear coordinating neon socks, tank tops, and sunglasses and do choreographed dances to “Barbara Ann”

Sleepover!

Sleepover!

12) Oil spills are something that can happen on your high school football field.

13) Dating or crushing on older guys never ends well (cough – Jeff)

14) Don’t use your first name as part of your band’s name – you’ll jinx the band and then they’ll break up. I have a Zack Attack t-shirt to remind me of the better days.

Yes, I owned this shirt. Stop judging me.

Yes, I owned this shirt. Stop judging me.

15) If you want your opening credits to be amazing – use as many “cool” clip art pictures as possible (skateboards, sunglasses, ice cream, etc) – along with a catchy theme song.

16) You knew something dramatic was going down when the electric guitar background music got real sad and intense (the youtube clips prove this). Conversely – awesome things happening meant amazingly upbeat electric guitar music.

Favorite Episodes

-The famous caffeine pill episode because it also featured Screech dressing as a woman janitor to secretly record the girls singing in the locker room. Also it features a music video by Hot Sundae (Lisa, Kelly, and Jessi) which mostly looks like a workout video.

– The episode where the boys take the girls for granted and the girls get pissed – prompting a dinner at the Max and the boys performing “What I Should Have Said Theater”. Extra points for this because Screech plays Kelly in drag and Slater rips off his clothes to reveal a unitard and dances ballet.

– The Dance-Off episode where Lisa sprains her ankle before Casey Kasem comes to town and opts to perform with Screech and they invent “The Sprain” dance and win the contest.

– All of the episodes where the crew works at a beach resort for the summer. It introduces my favorite of Zack’s girlfriends – Stacy Carosi – an east coast college broad with a mouth of sass and a secret vulnerability.

Leah Remini was the bomb.com

Leah Remini was the bomb.com

– The Zack Attack episode – which I am pretty sure inspired VH1’s Behind the Music.

– The graduation episode because it made me cry when I was a kid.

– Snow White and the Seven Dorks episode – for the above stated reasons. That kiss. Woot. You just KNOW they had to have been doing it in real life.

A high school musical that was completely rapped? Yep, I'm in.

A high school musical that was completely rapped? Yep, I’m in.

South By Southwest: WTF am I doing?!

6 Mar

So, for my 30th birthday, my super nice husband said “Surprise – we’re going to Austin!”.  He had planned the trip for 2 weeks later, which would have put us in the last week of February. I was obviously excited, as we’d always heard that Austin was cool, but I was actually quite bummed that the trip he was planning didn’t include either of the two major music events in Austin (one being Austin City Limits, the other South by Southwest, or for short “SXSW”. Apparently really cool people call it “South By”, but I realize I’m not there yet and most likely never will be). Anyhow, his work schedule got all fucked up, as it tends to do when you work for a pile of dicks, and we had to reschedule. I saw this as my opportunity to mention that what I REALLY wanted to do for my birthday was sxsw! BAM!

sxsw-01

photo credit

Sxsw, which in case you don’t know, is huge and has hundreds of free concerts scattered up and down 6th st., in conjunction with a conference for music industry professionals. The amount I have learned about this event in the past few weeks is incredible, because it’s COMPLICATED AS FUCK! I knew that it wasn’t like other music festivals (get a ticket, find a spot).  Apparently there are official and unofficial showcases – and there are badges, wristbands and people (like me) with nothing.  For some shows you need a badge, many the people with badges are given priority and some don’t rely on badges at all. A lot of showcases require you to RSVP – an absolutely all consuming task where I search for events online through a million different channels then end up on a million different sites trying to sign up for parties that I don’t even really know if I want to go to or if I’ll be able to get into.  It’s nuts.  I’ve made a ridiculously intricate spreadsheet of events that even I can’t understand.

I’ve been reading a lot of blog posts about people’s sxsw experiences (people are seeing 150 bands in 5 days!) and I am trying to set some small goals – maybe pick a short list of bands I’d like to see and a few Austin sights and not be disappointed in how it goes down. My biggest hope is that my husband likes it. He hates crowds, so this is a big question mark. I am actually very afraid I will be dragging him from place to place and forcing him to wait in long lines and pack into venues and he will be miserable. I hope I’m wrong on this one!

Since I have never been there before, I can’t really tell you how it all will go down, but I will tell you what I anticipate, my hopes and dreams and what bands I would really like to see, and then I’ll let  ya know how my dreams compare with reality after next week!

  • Eat at food trucks. I hear they have incredible food trucks in Austin and I don’t care if I don’t sit down for one nice meal (besides that Shady Grove Trailer Court, of course. My friends got me a gift certificate there and it looks incred. Can’t wait to gain 8 elbees!).
  • Make an attempt to see Cold War Kids (Brad’s favorite, so this is our #1 goal), Dawes, Foxygen, Cheers Elephant, Houndmouth David Wax Museum and Gringo Star. There are a few bigger bands I will try to see but won’t be surprised if I can’t, due to my non-badged state (Flaming Lips, Vampire Weekend, Frightened Rabbit, among others). I’m really bummed J. Roddy Walston won’t be there despite previously released information. Dick move, J. I have about 80 more on my list but, it’s too overwhelming to think about.
  • Go see my old reliable Toy Soldiers and Ali Wadsworth. I know they are local and I’ve seen ’em a million times, but I think it will be awesome to see ’em tearin it up at SXSW. Brad thinks that’s kinda dumb and that we should be seeing bands that we won’t be able to see another time. I get it. But I can’t miss ’em.
  • Hike at Town Lake. Apparently a beautiful spot for nature and enjoying warm weather.
  • Wear summer clothes, drink heavily and be happy that I’m there.

If you have any tips, suggestions, band recommendations or are going to be there, I’d LOVE to hear from you! I have no fuckin clue what I’m doing and would love to hang out with people – send me a message!

Up, up and away….

Random Pop Culture Thoughts

6 Mar

I’ve got no cohesive theme for this post other than I wanted to jot down some things that have been on my mind this past week. So please enjoy a glimpse into my pop-culture addled brain.

Life of Pi – This was the last Oscar movie I saw before the ceremony and therefore never really had the chance to blog about it. It was a stunning visual feast and I couldn’t remember the last time my eyeballs were so completely dazzled by a film. I read and loved the book years ago when it came out but scoffed at the idea of someone making a movie out of an experience that is so reflective and full of ideas about faith and life and also mostly features a boy and a tiger.

This movie also won best visual effects the Oscars.

This movie also won best visual effects at the Oscars.

Ang Lee deserved the best director award for bringing this seemingly impossible to adapt bestselling book from the page to the screen. The story is beautifully told and I liked it so much I am still thinking about it and I downloaded the soundtrack. Go see it.

Taylor Swift

I just read the article in Vanity Fair about T. Swift and I’m still smarting over her comment about Amy Poehler and Tina Fey making fun of her at the Golden Globes. She said that there is “a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.” Really Swift-y? REALLY? Tina and Amy are two giant feminists so get to steppin! And their joke about you wasn’t even particularly harsh. They just joked that you were going to try and date Michael J. Fox’s son. Pretty harmless and not cruel or awful.

nemesis

You live your life in the public eye and if you want everyone to stop talking about your boyfriends then stop dating so fucking publicly. Example – yes, I knew that Jennifer Lawrence used to date the super duper hot guy from Skins but I never read much about them because they were discreet. Charlize Theron, Emma Stone, and Lena Dunham are all wicked famous and I know next to nothing about their present dating sitches because they aren’t making it public all the damn time. I can think of a million other examples – but basically, I don’t feel bad for you and this whole “Everyone is picking on me. Poor me!” shtick is getting old fast. You’re 22, get over it lady.

What I’m Reading

You guys, I am reading this book that I can’t put down and I’m pretty disturbed by it. I had just finished the quick and light “Silver Linings Playbook” and decided that I could really get into another non-fiction piece. I’d had the book “Columbine” by Dave Cullen on my goodreads.com ‘want to read’ list for over a year now but was never in the right head space to read a book about the school shootings in Littleton, Colorado. I mean, is there a “right head space” to read such a thing?

Anyway, Cullen was a reporter on the scene when the story broke and since the shootings he had spent 10 years compiling interviews, documents, first hand accounts, evidence, tapes, etc. to write a book about the shooting, the killers, the victims, and answers as to why these two boys would be driven to such unspeakable violence.

I started the book two nights ago and am already more than halfway through. The story is terrifying and fascinating and I can’t stop thinking about it. In light of Sandy Hook and recent conversations on gun control – it’s definitely a book that is worth a look. This book was published in 2009, so I am a little late to the party as far as reading this story, but I am extremely impressed by it thus far.

Other Random Thoughts

  • Rachel McAdams broke up with her long time boyfriend two weeks ago which means we can keep hoping against hope that Gosling will dump Mendes and our real life Notebook fantasies can come true.
Too adorable for words. Just get back together you two.

Too adorable for words. Just get back together you two.

  • I spent an embarrassing amount of time last week while swimming laps trying to think of a screenplay idea for a movie which Jlaw would want to star in. Obvi – Meryl Streep and Charlize Theron will both somehow also be involved in this movie. Perhaps they can play sisters and Streep could be their mom. Imagine the awesomeness now.
Can the world handle this much awesome at once?

Can the world handle this much awesome at once?

  • I’m getting creepy levels of excited for the new Game of Thrones season. The second half of book 2 and the whole of book 3 are my favorite in the series so far and I can only hope the show will be half as good. The recently released trailer for the third season looks like it just might live up to the awesome. I bought a direwolf t-shirt to wear on the premiere night, I am buying a pack of cigs for after the famous “lord’s kiss” scene and will be secretly shipping Brienne and Jamie. Sigh.

  • Brem and I are going to take turns recapping the goings on in Westeros and beyond. So if you don’t watch Game of Thrones yet – you have a few weeks to catch up and then begin Season 3 with us here on GOP!
My direwolf premiere t-shirt!

My direwolf premiere t-shirt!

  • My friend and I are thinking about creating a youtube channel. Would you watch our stuff? I promise we’ll be at least moderately funny.
  • I’m really hating how all tv shows are currently airing re-runs. Since nothing is new I’ve been catching up on The League and Shameless. Have you guys ever watched The League? I never thought I could like a show about something I hate so much (fantasy football) but it’s genuinely hilarious and amazing. It’s like the Sex and the City for men except instead of talking about dates and shoes they talk about football, make fun of each other, and one of the funniest characters is a girl. The most accurate portrayal of what dudes are like and talk about with each other on any tv show.
Greatest dude show on TV!

Greatest dude show on TV!

  • Brem has already discussed her love of Shameless on this blog and I am on board. It’s not the most perfect show but Emmy Rossum and the kid playing Lip are pretty amazing. And no one breaks my heart more than little Debbie Gallagher. Just finished the first season and am moving on to the second. #karenistheworst
  • Does anyone else have suggestions of tv shows I should be watching? I’m open to pretty much anything. A friend recently suggested Archer and I thought about getting into that. Thoughts?
  • I recently downloaded “snapchat” on my phone which is an application where you can take pictures or video, send them to friends and then they basically “Mission Impossible” themselves and disappear after the viewer looks at the image from a period of time from 3 seconds-10 seconds.  I mostly use this app to take pictures of cute Japanese things and then draw dicks on them with the pencil edit tool before I send them to friends but mostly I can’t stop thinking about how a pervy 15 year old boy probs invented this app to encourage his girlfriend that it was safe to send sexts. Gross.

And now a completely new segment called

Why Aren’t You Watching This?

Bunheads is a show that is created and written by former Gilmore Girls creator/showrunner and former Roseanne writing staffer Amy Sherman-Palladino. The show centers on a Vegas showgirl Michelle (the multi-talented, ever delightful Broadway star Sutton Foster) who wasted her potentially serious dance career on being young and stupid. When the show starts she is still dancing in Vegas and has a man who is in love with her who sees the show regularly – but this man isn’t a creeper – he’s Cameron from Ferris Bueller and he sees in our star all of this potential and amazingness. She gets wasted one night with him after a show and they end up getting married.

Preach Michelle!

Preach Michelle!

Michelle moves back to her hubby’s small town on coastal California and clashes with his overbearing mom Fanny (played by former Mama Gilmore – Kelly Bishop) who owns/runs the local dance studio. Right after their marriage her husband dies in a tragic car accident and we find out he leaves the house and all of his money to Michelle, even though his mother lives in the house and the dance studio is his property. Soon Michelle is living in with Fanny and eventually she begins teaching dance at the studio to the students. The show focuses on four teenage students as well – Ginny, Boo, Sasha, and Mel and they are as delightful and different and whip-smart as Rory Gilmore.

The charming principal cast (minus Mama Gilmore)

The charming principal cast (minus Mama Gilmore)

If you loved Gilmore Girls then this show is for you. It’s not just a show about teen ballerinas and a Vegas showgirl. It’s about the terror of hitting a certain age and realizing things didn’t go the way you planned. It’s about figuring out a new dream, being a new girl in town, finding family in places you never expected and growing up.

The show also creates great stories about friendship, boys, and adolescence with the teen girls. Of course the town where Michelle and Fanny live is populated by as many awesome weirdos as Stars Hollow was and it makes the show even more delightful. AND – I didn’t even mention that all of the girls and Foster are extremely talented dancers in real life and we are often treated to some spectacular numbers.

In signature Sherman-Palladino style – the characters banter like it’s no one’s business, allude to pop culture on the regular, and speak at a rapid fire pace. This show is on the bubble for being renewed since it’s on ABC Family, but if you liked Gilmore Girls then you should absolutely give it a try. I don’t care if liking this show makes me a fifteen year old girl, it’s good and funny and super underrated.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKcQ-9mRhWo

What I’m Watching – The League, Shameless Season 2, Bunheads

What I’m Listening to – Youth Lagoon’s new album – Wondrous Bughouse – It’s got a dreamy sound and for some reason makes me feel like I’m underwater, but not in a drowning way. The guy who produced it produces for Washed Out and Animal Collective and you can totally tell. It just came out yesterday so I’ve only listened to it once so far, but I liked it

What I’m Reading – Columbine by Dave Cullen – see above to read all about it

Thanks for reading!

-EB

Girls S2 E8 – I’m Tall and Semi-Dashing

5 Mar

This was a really interesting episode for me because I really, really loved parts of it and I really hated parts of it. I loved everything with Adam, who seems to have turned a corner in the mental health department and is at ease and charming as I’ve ever seen him, I loved most of Shosh’s stuff, and I mostly liked what happened with Marnie’s development.

But I really thought the Hannah parts of the storyline were sort of out of nowhere and uncomfortable and tainted what I thought was an otherwise solid episode. There were lots of characters and stories happening at once – which I much prefer to just following Hannah around upstate NY or in a rich doctor’s brownstone. So let’s get down to it.

Shosh

I thought this episode showed how much Shosh has grown since we first met her and how much growing she still has to do. She tossed off so many funny lines at the beginning of the episode while walking with Ray and Marnie in the park that I had to pause my viewing and write some of them down. Her concern for Jessa was totally hilarious and I really enjoyed the “I can’t stop thinking about Jessa. Where is she? What is she wearing? Is it linen? What languages is she speaking?” exchange.

Marnie of course rocks Shosh back to reality by explaining that this is what Jessa does and Shosh needs to learn to accept it and move on. Ray also pipes in and tells her not to worry because Jessa’s a “fucking huslter”. This is a true story. Jessa will be fine. But what I really enjoy about this exchange is an example of how Marnie can so clearly see and pinpoint other’s motivations and flaws but cannot do the same for herself. It’s not an uncommon thing for people to do, but I do love how often we see this with Marnie.

"Is she warm enough?"

“Is she warm enough?”

After Marnie gives Shosh the cold, hard truth about Jessa – she gets a dose of harsh truth for herself when Ray and Shosh inform her that Charlie has sold an app to some tech billionaire and now has money, an office in Chelsea and people working for him. Marnie of course flees the scene and Shosh then has another moment where I laughed out loud. “We may never see her again. I do not trust anyone anymore. Seriously, I mean, the fabric of life is….RADITHKA!!!” She spots her old friend on rollerblades and girly exchange ensues.

Of course Shosh has and had a life outside of our Girls and Ray. She is in college and we get a glimpse at the type of people she used to hang out with before she had a boyfriend and was presumed dead by her vintage rollerblade loving friends. She has a chat with Radithka and accepts an invite to her party that night. As Shosh accepted the invite, I had to  wonder what college parties were like in NYC because it’s not like people had huge houses and no neighbors — don’t people just go out or go to clubs with fakes? And now I’m nostalgic for huge house parties with dirty basements in Pittsburgh. Dammit.

And so begins the dissolution of Ray and Shosh. Shosh wants to go to the party and Ray of course, feeling old and creepy about it – says he can’t go. And I agree, it would be creepy for a 33 year old to be at a college party, even if it’s the most awesome and classy college party ever (and it really sort of looked like it was). Ray also chastises Shosh for using air quotes and it seems creepily parental. I hate hearing the condescending “I thought we talked about you doing that” kind of thing. This whole argument showed how the age gap and maturity levels are starting to wear on the couple.

No college party creeping for this guy

No college party creeping for this guy

Of course I agree with Ray that he shouldn’t attend the party, but I also think that Shosh is young and should be going out and dating and seeing her friends. She tells Ray she is going anyway and she does. And she shows up with crazy hair (again) and I love it when she flirts with the hot doorman before going up to the party.

We only briefly see Shosh at the party as she talks about her relationship and bores her friend. It seems like Shosh has outgrown these parties or these people but she isn’t quite ready to stay home and read books in her undies like Ray. As she leaves the party early she runs into the sexy doorman again and ends up making out with him (and possibly more?).

I know I should be like “She’s cheating on Ray!” but mostly I thought “Man, he is sexy. And he has a job. But mostly, he’s sexy.” I loved that she asked him who’d be watching the door while they were mid makeout too. Classic Shosh! Anyway, this doesn’t bode well for our two weirdo lovebirds.

Hannah

I feel like the less I say about this storyline, the better. I know Hannah’s portion of the episode was small in comparison to Adam or Shosh or Marnie but I was supremely annoyed by it. I am all for shows addressing issues with mental health – particularly shows about people in their 20s because there is no way that people get through this decade without some anxiety, depression, etc. but I really loathe that Dunham choose OCD and that it seemingly came out of nowhere.

OCD hannah

Apparently a phone call from Adam triggers this behavior, but I wonder why now? Hannah seems to have effectively moved on from him and hasn’t shown much remorse or sadness for the relationship ending and we are supposed to believe that suddenly he triggers her long dormant OCD that we have NEVER heard about up until now? Hannah is an embarrassingly open book and I am shocked her OCD tendencies were never discussed until now. I get that most people wouldn’t want to talk about their mental health past, but this development was totally ridic to me.

Hannah counts things obsessively and I had a hard time believing any of it. I did love her odd behavior at the Judy Collins show with her parents, but mostly I felt uncomfortable and felt the story to be unbelievable to what we already knew about Hannah. One thing it does explain is why her parents are how they are with her. BUT – her mom IS kind of a dick of about the whole thing.

I know you're not anorexic. I've seen you in a bathing suit.

I know you’re not anorexic. I’ve seen you in a bathing suit.

Hannah’s story ends in a therapy session where she explains all of her behaviors to the therapist and we get a bit of back story about just how intense her OCD was. She tries to pin the recurrence on Adam but I think it’s the book deal and she talks about that a bit too. Quick beef – does this therapist have night hours? The session seems to be immediately after the Judy Collin’s show but that would mean it was later at night. Are there late night therapists and would their waiting rooms be full of kids and others? In the end Hannah  ends up getting medicine and riding the subway back to her place with her concerned parents.

I understand Hannah is the main character but after watching Shosh, Marnie and Adam this episode – I really wish she wasn’t. Ugh. Wound!

Marnie

Marnie is obvi on a downward spiral. She’s wearing a hooded long-sleeve shirt and her hair is in pigtails, which wouldn’t signal depression for me– but after seeing Marnie so well put together for the run of this series – I think this might be her version of wearing pajamas out of the house. Marnie has really become sad and sympathetic this season and I enjoy watching her wallow and struggle more than I expected but I’ve also seen her vulnerability and fear beneath her formerly confident shell.

The devastation she feels when she finds out that not only Charlie has moved on from her but is also thriving and super successful is written all over her face. She is so thrown she decides she needs to see it for herself. And Charlie’s office space is what I think of when I hear “cool internet start-up” – full of beautiful, young, hip employees, an open layout, candy jars, etc. Charlie looks amazing and Marnie looks “eh” for Marnie.

He’s created an app that was inspired by her and that must send Marnie into even more of a spiral. Marnie didn’t want Charlie, but now that she sees him as successful and admired and lookin fine she is driven crazy by it. Isn’t it always kind of upsetting when you realize that an ex has done better off without you and that perhaps you inspired them to be better or do better? “Why weren’t they like that when you were with them?” you wonder. Well, that feeling is confirmed here when Marnie sees all of Charlie’s success that came from their split.

Hot mess.
                                                                                                     Hot mess.

Charlie gets lots of money and is sexy and Marnie gets a shitty job at a club full of creepers and a horrible “relationship” with Booth that just ended. And Charlie (who was a legit dick last time we saw him) does get a great dig in at the girl who broke up with him while he was still inside of her. Marnie says “I’m just here for support.” and Charlie’s  “Yeah, from me or for me?” was just about perfect. I tip my hat to you sir. I wouldn’t be surprised if this is sort of the last we see of Charlie. He’s moved on and it’s all good.

I really loved the Marnie and Ray scene when she comes home from her job after you know she was stewing about Charlie being successful post break-up all day. She thought he’d be broken for at least 6 years but he’s moved on and up while she is “dressed like a magician’s assistant” (nice one Ray! high five!). She asks Ray about Shosh but clearly doesn’t want to really know and wants to word vomit her feelings on someone and Ray is there.

I loved her projecting her own sad mess/unhappiness onto Charlie and saying it’s unfair how such messes are so successful and that people who really have their shit together like she does, are flailing around. Obvi, it’s the other way around but Marnie is not the most self aware person. Let’s face it, when we honestly have to think about others faults it isn’t difficult but when we think about ourselves we obviously have blind spots that others see, so I really liked this moment.

This is not a sad mess. This is a sexy younger looking Mark Ruffalo.

This is not a sad mess. This is a sexy younger looking Mark Ruffalo.

Ray calls her out and gives some wise advice. Take your energy and start using it toward something. Turn the potential to the kinetic, be an explorer, not a cartographer. He asks her what she really wants to do and she stalls. And he asks again and she blurts out she wants to sing. After a quick joke he makes her sing on the spot (and she pulls out some nice Norah Jones) and he asks what the fuck is she waiting for.

She isn’t going to be young and hot forever so she needs to start doing this now if it’s what she wants. Sidenote – I had this moment of clarity where someone asked me the exact same question over Christmas and my gut response was “writing”- which  turned into creating this blog.

Also, what’s with all of these 90s and early 2000s references? Aren’t these people only 24? Do they know Duncan Sheik and Norah Jones that well? And maybe Ray has a future calling as a life coach. He gives the best and most reasonable advice of any of the people on this series. I’d totally watch a tv show where Ray became the next Frasier Crane or something.

Adam

I’ve saved the best for last. I really thought that Lena Dunham was turning all of the love I had slowly and steadily and unwarily built up for Adam last season into being freaked out and annoyed by him, but this episode has gotten me back on the Adam train in a big way. He was the star of the episode and I feel we’re starting to see the real and best part of Adam. Just like Charlie, he needed to break away from his toxic relationship to start to become his best self.

The episode starts with him in bed looking totally depressed and calling Hannah – not a great way to start. Then he takes a sip of something and gags. I know this is gross but was anyone else worried that Adam took a sip of a jar of jizz on accident? I know that sounds crazy, but Adam is totally the kind of dude who would shoot it into a cup and then leave it by the bed, right?  Just me? Okay, now I feel weird.

Adam sees that things aren’t going well and takes himself to an AA meeting where he offers the most honest and kind of heartbreaking depiction of what he’s been feeling and what happened with Hannah. I love that he said it’s not what he thought love was going to feel like because I am sure that is often the case. And I loved him talking about how he loved to teach her new things and how things started because she just stuck around. Again, I feel like this happens to people a lot but Adam nicely articulated the moment. Oh and he’ll bring cookies next time too — god, I loved him in this moment.

Have fun storming the castle.

Have fun storming the castle.

Adam was looking strangely smoking hot and was noticed by a woman played by Carol Kane who adorably and crazily complimented his height, his honesty and his cuteness. She sets him up on a date with her daughter Natalia and he says he’ll call her.

Man, Carol Kane is the best. As she was talking to Adam all I could think was “I’m not a witch, I’m your wife!” and “Humperdink, Humperdink, Humperdink!” — if you don’t know what I’m talking about, I can’t believe we’re friends. I loved her telling Adam he was a very respectable height and that he was cuter than a dimple on a bug’s ass.

Adam goes home and proceeds to pace around the apartment and begins to leave the most deliciously awkward but adorable voice message ever on Natalia’s answering machine. (Who has a land line and answering machine these days?!). I loved the whole Adam calling Natalia thing. Boy, they are making me love Adam again, he seems so nice and fun. “You’ll know me – I’m very tall and semi-dashing.” Even him fucking up at the end and talking about how he’ll be staring at her teeth like a creep was oddly endearing.

Tall and semi-dashing indeed.

Tall and semi-dashing indeed.

Their date goes so great. Natalia walks in and is played by that chick who used to be on Roswell back when the WB existed. She seems super into Adam too and they are both relaxed with each other and get along great. In fact, I love everything about Adam and his date. He seems so relaxed and cool and fun. I’m really happy for him by the end of the episode and hope that things go well with his land line having, private eye decoy, cool lady. This girl is totes way better than Hannah already and Adam comes across as more normal and likeable than ever. Loved it. Loved him.

Winner of the Week – The boys of girls — Adam and Ray. Adam for being adorable, semi-dashing, honest, and cool. And Ray for being a terrific observer and life coach.

Wound of the Week – Hannah, duh!

The Best Life Lessons from my 20s

2 Mar

Brem and I recently had a milestone weekend (Okay – Brem’s was bigger than mine). Two Fridays ago, I turned 29 and began the last 365 days of being considered a “twenty-something” and on Saturday Brem bid adieu to her 20s and turned the big 3-0 (complete with braces). Pretty crazy that the two ladies who write these blogs for your viewing pleasure should have birthdays that are so close to each other.

I came down with the flu the night before my birthday and had a pretty terrible day (minus the adorable cards/cakes made for me by my students). This day included vomming in the staff bathroom at school and then ended with crying to my mom over Skype when I called to ask her if I can take two more Tylenol on top of the Sudafed I was already ingesting (a very grown up move right?).

As I laid in my bed, cursing the flu and running a high fever which led to dreams such as being bffs with Jessica Chastain (what? I am clearly JLaw’s bff) I started thinking about how weird it was going to be to not be in my 20s any more in less than a year. And then I started thinking about all of the valuable things I have learned in the last 9 years and how much I have changed. And so for your viewing pleasure I’ve compiled a list of the best life lessons I learned in my 20s. Some are funny, some are serious, and some are awkwardly embarrassing.

– An effective way of making sure your friends can find you on your birthday in a crowded club is by having them tie a balloon to the belt loop of your jeans. This might mean you don’t look cool, but it also means that your drunk ass won’t get lost or end up getting into a cab with a rando when you are hammered.

– If and when you decide to drink more alcohol than you should (and we know you’re going  to – because you’re in your 20s and you are young damn it!) – be sure to drink plenty of water before you go to bed. This is common sense. Use it.

-If you are still in college  – I want to grab your face Billy Madison style and tell you to “cherish it”. College will likely be the last time you live in close proximity to your best friends and when drinking on a Wednesday night feels completely acceptable.

-For those of you who just graduated or are in your mid-20s funk. It’s okay. I know it may seem like everyone is having more fun than you or that all of your friends have their shit together and you don’t – but the truth is — they aren’t and they don’t. Even people who seem like they know exactly what they’re doing are just really good at faking it. I guarantee they sometimes cry in the shower too. You’re not alone.

-Figuring out how to be an adult is difficult. I’m still using my “fake it til you make it” motto.

– Confidence is sexy as hell. But not annoying over-confidence — c’mon – that’s just dickish.

– The years after you graduate from college are some of the toughest of your life. I wish someone would have told me this. I don’t know if it would have made it easier, but I wish I knew that.

– No one wants to hear stories about “That time when you studied abroad” or anything that starts with “My ex-boyfriend (or ex-girlfriend)…”. No one. Just stop yourself. Take that, rewind it back, and never let it fly out of your mouth again.

-No good decisions are made after 2am.

-It’s okay if you still haven’t found your passion or life’s calling – I found a lot of things I didn’t want to do before I decided what I wanted to do. And some of the most interesting people I have met are well out of their 30s and still don’t know what they want to do with their lives.

– Check in on your friends. Even the ones who now have babies and are married. They appreciate that you are thinking about them even if they can’t get back to you because they are lactating all over the place or because they are picking out patio furniture for their newly purchased house. It might be annoying – but one day, you may in a similar position and your day could be made by an e-mail or phone call.

-New Years Eve is the prom of adulthood. Stop trying to make it happen. It’s never going to happen. (Said in my best Regina George voice).

– 401ks. Yep. A good idea.

-Tattoos you decided you would get “on a whim” — bad idea. Like it for at least year before committing to it.

-Hiding your phone in a box of cereal is an effective way to not drunk dial. Also, it make you feel like a little kid to find a prize in your cereal box the next day.

– Febreeze is no longer an acceptable form of getting bar smell off of your jeans past the age of 22. Do your fucking laundry slacker. Same goes with wearing bathing suit bottoms when you run out of underwear. Buy more underwear if you hate washing your clothes so much.

– Volunteer. It’s good to help other people and will help you stop feeling so sorry for yourself when you’re in a spiral of self-loathing that your 20s are known to sometimes bring on. And it’s a really nice thing to do. It always warms my heart to see young people doing something good and giving back.

Brem’s Take:

I’ve made it to 30. I know this is totally weird, but for some reason I can’t think of many things I learned in my twenties. I kinda feel like I’m the same person I was when I was 17. I was yet to have a broken heart or break someone’s heart (milestones of your 20s, for most, but something I can absolutely not give you any advice on) but overall, I don’t really feel more mature than I ever have been. I’m guessing this is ok. So, in place of things I’ve learned in my twenties, I give you a list of things I WISH I’d learned in my twenties:

– How to pay my bills, update my registration, get my car inspected, fulfill any time sensitive obligation, etc… on time. I still need to get emails every month that my bills are late in order to pay them. WTF.

-How to cook decently healthy meals. Om nom nom, let’s just go out to eat then.

-How to be assertive in uncomfortable situations. I am a totally non-confrontational person and I often just let things fester instead of facing them head on and you know, saying something. Because that might make someone uncomfortable and I just can’t handle it. Even when I know the worst case scenario is exactly the same as the present. Maybe it’s just a personality trait or maybe it’s just that I need to grow up and grow a pair.

-Get over my fear of animals, dogs in particular.  Nothing awful has ever happened because someone’s dog rubbed up against my leg and I look like a total bitch when I whine and ask people to not let their dog come near me. I need to let it go and try to be nice to a dog so it will be nice back to me and we can be friends. I know that my cowering and running away makes dogs not like me, so it’s a cycle. It’s weird and I should consciously try to get over it, especially because Brad loves dogs and totally wants one.

– How to budget. I just spend money and hope it’s not too much. It’s terrible and makes my husband want to kill me. I totally don’t blame him. It really sucks when your car breaks down and you have no money to get it fixed (or do you!? you have no idea! Why don’t you just run this card and see if it works?!).

– I was going to say how to stop procrastinating, but now that I look at the above topics I think everything may fall into this category.

-How to deal with my mother. She and I fight like we are teenagers and there is no one I want to physically strangle more than her, which brings her great joy! Because she’s a looney! She tortures me and gets serious satisfaction out of it. My sister, on the other hand, does not get this treatment because she doesn’t get pissed off, or she just hides it really well. When will I learn to ignore her and just let her sit in the front seat so we don’t end up in a hair pulling fight in my sister’s driveway because my mom is not following the correct rules of calling shotgun!? Yes. This is really seriously something that recently happened. I told you I haven’t matured in my twenties. Maybe I get it from my mother?

So there. Maybe some advice is to write a blog about the shit you suck at and it will make you feel great about being 30! Because really, eh, it’s ok to pay your student loan 3 days late. You’re still a nice person.

Note: I totally disagree on the Febreezing your jeans thing. I wear mine at least 3 times before washing. But I guess it doesn’t matter if you’re only going back to the bar, right? Or I’m a filthy animal, which is probably more likely.