Archive | February, 2013

Girls S2 E7 – UTIs, Rabbits, and Thigh Creases

26 Feb

In case this season didn’t make it perfectly clear already – this show is very clearly about Hannah. I’m not saying this a terrible thing, but I feel that I enjoy the show the most when all of the characters are together and bouncing off each other in the same place. I miss the days when they went to a party in Bushwick and were all in the same place, even though they each had their own storyline (the best being Shosh accidentally smoking crack).

But this show has become Hannah’s, even when it’s not supposed to be. Tonight’s episode is an example of how I thought we’d finally be getting a good story about Jessa but Jessa’s story turns into a breakthrough for Hannah and a continued stall in character progression for Jessa. So let’s get into it. Again, we’ve only got two girls to discuss this week since Hannah and Jessa go upstate to visit Jessa’s absentee father and his new-ish girlfriend Petula.

The Wound of the Week

The Wound of the Week


I think we were supposed to gain some insight into Jessa by seeing and hearing about her fucked up family but really, it wasn’t anything that I didn’t already know or figure out on my own. Jessa was the type of kid who was picked up last from a school event or maybe not even picked up at all and instead stayed at a friend’s house after school dances or soccer games. Hannah knows this because as she is talking about this being her greatest fear and Jessa thinks it is ridiculous.

Jessa was that girl in middle school who stayed at your house for like four days in a row because you had a normal family and hers was super crazy. I knew some of those girls and my mom, being the the fabulous human being that she is, would welcome these types of friends into our house and mom the shit out of them. They loved coming to our house. And only now as an adult can I really understand why. These girls were Jessa’s in their own ways.

The thing about being friends with a Jessa is that they think everything revolves around them and are super defensive of how fucked up their childhood was. We get it Jessa — you wanted your dad to want to see you so badly, that you actually took his butt text as a “I really want to see you.” It was a sad and sort of pathetic admission when she told Hannah, but then basically told Hannah that she was horrible for suggesting it was only a butt text and nothing more.

The worst heart to heart ever.

The worst heart to heart ever.

She wants her dad to want to see her so badly, but it’s pretty clear he doesn’t return the feeling. He is late in picking them up, he doesn’t cancel plans to see a lecture in order to hang out with her, and in the end he abandons her at grocery store after they have a painfully badly acted heart to heart on a swing set about how he never showed up for her or was there for her. I hate to sound mean, but it was all pretty uninteresting and didn’t hit the emotional spots I think it was going for.

Jessa does get in a few good moments though – my favorite example being the moment where she is waiting for Hannah to finish having cemetery sex with creepy Frank and then calls Hannah out for doing so. Hannah thought they were each separating for some quality doing it time with the young boys but Jessa is disgusted and gives her a great “What the fuck is wrong with you?” face and calls her out for doing a barely legal teen. Thank god.

Rabbit anyone?

Rabbit anyone?

So, in the end, after walking back to the house after being abandoned by her dad again, Jessa does what she does best and flees – leaving Hannah only a note. This is nothing new but it’s really disappointing to me that instead of taking this opportunity to let Jessa have a break through and start separating herself from her past and start to grow up – they chose to have her run away. Just like her father would. UGH.

I know this is probably because Jemima Kirke was pregnant in real life and needed to be written off for awhile, but I can still feel disappointed. Maybe Jessa will realize and own up to her faults and failings and move past her seemingly shitty childhood and come back a new woman. But I fear I’m asking too much. Jessa remains to be the least developed and my least favorite Girl.


This episode perfectly captured what it feels like to go to a friend’s hometown and meet her family, friends, etc. It’s almost like visiting a foreign country and Hannah is definitely out of her element. Jessa’s stepmom embraces Hannah as the “cushion” between Jessa and herself, but in reality I didn’t see much tension between the two women at all. Hannah is freaked out and possibly slightly charmed by Jessa’s weirdo family – who compare life to video games, eat rabbits they raise, have old computers in the back of their cars, and have son’s who are weird and loser-y and wear turtlenecks.

I really enjoyed the girls leaving with the nineteen year old boys and driving around back roads while doing whippets. It’s a very “bored in your small town” type of thing to do. And of course it leads to the most awkward sex ever when Hannah runs off, pissed off about Jessa being immature and then steals weirdo Frank’s v-card in a cemetery. She even tries to have a weird conversation about heaven before Frank comes in her thigh crease after 8 seconds. The casting of Frank was perfect. As was his terrible haircut, jean shorts and turtleneck.

Future Jessa?

Future Jessa?

I don’t know what to say about Hannah’s UTI and why they kept bringing it up. Was it supposed to mean something other than, Hannah doesn’t know how to take care of herself and see a doctor when she’s sick? I’m not sure. Anyway, the post sex conversation between Hannah and Frank the next morning was deliciously awkward as she cons him into admitting he was a virgin and she a v-card shredder. He also pretty much admits he is gay and in love with Tyler. Of course. Hannah, you are so dumb sometimes. Maybe the UTI coming back at the end is karma for bad decision making?

Also – what does Hannah see in Jessa as a friend? I mean – she is mean to her and is always telling her that she cares too much about dumb stuff, should suck it up, doesn’t understand, etc. She is pretty mean in this episode, especially to someone who is coming up to support her while she visits her shitty father. And then she leaves her with that terrible note, abandoning her with no explanation and making her find her way back to NYC alone. And Hannah has been letting Jessa stay at her place and be depressed and mean to her too. She needs to rethink her friend sitch.

In the end – after visiting Jessa’s planet of weird accents, pet rabbit dinners, whippets, dirty houses, weird stepmoms and dad’s who are never there for you – she is the one that has the breakthrough and realizes how amazingly supportive her parents are and were to her. It’s a strange feeling to finally realize that your parents are humans too and that they make mistakes and choices and then you realize how much they sacrificed to make you feel safe, secure and loved.You’re suddenly amazed that these people have done all of these selfless and amazing things for you and you almost can’t wrap your mind around loving someone or being loved that much.

Hannah's rents are the tops. I especially love her mom since she was Mrs. Weir on Freaks and Geeks!

Hannah’s rents are the tops. I especially love her mom since she was Mrs. Weir on Freaks and Geeks!

The phone call at the end was the most perfect scene of the episode (though I wish Hannah wasn’t peeing in the second part of it). I loved that Hannah and her parents nearly get into a fight when all she is doing is to call them and tell them she is grateful and she understands how special it is to have loving, concerned parents. I too have called to tell my mom I loved her and we ended up talking about mail she sent me that I wish she would have told me about sooner (this conversation happened last night).  So I really loved that at first Hannah’s parents are suspicious of the call – thinking she needs something but then are really touched when she says she doesn’t need anything other than to tell her parents how grateful she is of their love and support.

She gets a bit too effusive and then her mom freaks out because it’s rare for Hannah to be this aware and loving and to say such kind things. Their girl is growing up, but they think she is probably on drugs. But the thing is, it doesn’t matter what they think in this moment because Hannah has finally realized how great her parents are. She has a breakthrough and sees them as human beings. Hopefully this is a step in the right direction of self awareness and growing up for real. Being able to see your parents as complicated and real human beings who have given up a lot for you is a major step in becoming an adult. I am glad Hannah has gotten there and I hope it lasts.

Random Thoughts:

  • Jessa was sort of fun and silly for once in her life while doing accents with her dad
  • Don’t even get me started on Petula and her video game theory. I don’t have time for her nonsense in this blog except to say – doesn’t she look strangely like a grown up version of Jessa? Maybe she’s a cautionary tale.
  • Hannah continues her string of horrible outfits, though these were less horrible than most.
  • How painfully obvious was it that Jessa is pregs in real life? Carrying grocery bags? C’mon!
  • Everything Frank related was great to me.
  • Episodes that are sans Shosh are really way less quote worthy huh?
  • Again, the whole Hannah thinking they were on a sexcapade during the car trip situation was pretty great and I lol’ed a bunch
  • I think Lena Dunham has invaded my iTunes and brain. Silver Lining was pretty much the best song off the last (fairly crappy) Rilo Kiley album. Perfect use of the song. AND it ended with a great Aimee Mann song. Dear Lena, we are music soul mates.

Winner of the Week – I guess for once in my life I can say it was Hannah. She was funny – with the rabbit, her scenes with Petula, the creepy sex and confrontation with Frank, and finally when she realized her parents are great.

Wound of the Week – Obviously it’s Jessa. She just wants to blame all of her shit and problems on her messed up family situation but the truth is – lots of people I know have come from shitty situations and have turned out to be phenomenal human beings. At some point you have to let it go, and be the person you want to be – not the person whose past rules their behavior.

While I don’t think we really need this:

Things I Thought While Watching the Oscars

25 Feb

Hey everyone, so I know this is a bit late but because I was at work in Japan while the Oscars were live, I had to follow the ceremony via tweets and live blogs. Did I tear up a little bit when J-Law won best actress? Yes, yes I did. Did I gag on my tea when I realized that Anne Hathaway is probably going to make Gary Marshall re-issue new Princess Diaries DVDs with a name change to ACADEMY AWARD WINNER Anne Hathaway on them? Affirmative. So after I came home and made myself some fajitas and poured a glass of wine – I decided to blog all my random thoughts of the Awards ceremony. For those of you who prefer my less wordy blog entries – then this is for you.

Things I Couldn’t Stop Thinking About During the Oscars:

  • Samuel Jackson in red velvet smoking jacket ftw!
  • Robert Downey Jr. didn’t clap for Seth MacFarlane. My love for RDJ grows even more.
  • I had to take my first sip of wine less than three seconds in when a Tommy Lee Jones comment was made. Damn it.
He's smiling. You should have had to finish a drink for this.

He’s smiling. You should have had to finish a drink for this.

  • Wait — they ‘themed’ the Oscars? What is this? A spring fling sorority mixer? Just hand out the fucking award.
  • Emanuelle Riva is adorable. I’d like her to be my French grandma.
  • Seth MacFarlane’s openning monologue is making me uncomfortable. Slavery jokes? Really dude?
  • First J-Law camera cut of the night. DRINK!
Telling Seacrest what the deal is before the show. Love her.

Telling Seacrest what the deal is before the show. Love her.

  • I’m going to hate myself for saying this but is Seth MacFarlane kind of attractive or is the wine talking already? I think he is boning Daenerys from Game of Thrones in real life – so I can’t be 100% off base on this right?
Am I drunk or is he sort of attractive until he opens his mouth?

Am I drunk or is he sort of attractive until he opens his mouth?

  • Also MacFarlane’s voice is pretty nice.
  • Charlize Theron — you are the best. That was the ultimate Dancing with the Stars audition.
  • Is Channing Tatum really impressive or am I more impressed by him because he looks like a guy you knew in high school who was totally hot but dumb as a fucking brick so when I see Channing Tatum I automatically have low expectations?


  • Too many weird racist comments. Wtf dude?
  • Joseph Gordon-Levitt – my crush on you increases. Can you please be in a musical soon?
Look at JGL in the back. This is for you Brem!

Look at JGL in the back. This is for you Brem!

  • GOD, this opening monologue is PAINFULLY long and all about Seth MacFarlane and not about the movies or people. UGH!
  • Philip Seymour Hoffman brought his little son who a total mini me of his dad. Can’t decided if it’s adorable or creepy.
  • Yep, still have the hots for Christoph Waltz. I’m okay with this.
Sexy Austrian beast.

Sexy Austrian beast.

  • Cuts to Jack Nicholson, J-Law and De Niro. I’m getting drunk.
Thanks Jack.

Thanks Jack.

  • Even though I am pissed Wreck It Ralph lost – I really enjoy that the guy who won for Brave wore a kilt. Get it dude!
  • After Brave wins the camera cuts to ginger Jessica Chastain and her ginger mom. Coincidence? I wonder if my mom was rooting for gingers to win last night…they look out for each other.
  • Quvenzhane Wallis is just the cutest — flexing her arms after the best picture montage. Love it.
Hushpuppy is the cutest!

Hushpuppy is the cutest!

  • Continual drinking for the riff on Wallis’s age. DAMN IT DRINKING GAME!
Check out her puppy purse! It really doesn't get cuter than this!

Check out her puppy purse! It really doesn’t get cuter than this!

  • The cinematographer for Life of Pi totally deserved to win. I haven’t seen a more visually stunning movie in my life. It was a feast for the eyes. If it’s still playing in theaters where you are, I could not recommend it more.
  • Everytime Ang Lee fist pumps I love him even more.
  • Playing the Jaws theme to play people off is tacky as hell. Terrible.
  • Bond tribute was pointless except for Shirley Bassey belting out some Goldfinger. Homegirl still rocks the shit out of it.
  • How can there still be another 2 hours of this show? Jesus. Good thing I’m kind of drunk. Patting myself on the back for my drinking game.
  • Jennifer Garner’s dress does not belong next to Jessica Chastain’s. Chastain – you brought it tonight – maybe my favorite dress of the night.
Ginger-y perfection

Ginger-y perfection

  • Musical tribute thoughts – not sure why the Oscars are themed but 1) DAMN – Catherine Zeta-Jones is still hot. Also, she should seriously consider cutting her hair like that for realsies 2) FUUUUUUUUUUUCK. JENNIFER HUDSON IS A GODDESS! Seriously, I kept yelling “DAMN” while she sang. I would not want to follow her. She has the voice of an angel – a powerhouse vocally gifted angel. Even Jack Nicholson was like “Da-yum” during the standing O. 3) Seeing Hugh Jackman on the stage makes me wish he was hosting again. He was the best. And that chest. Anne Hathway came out and ruined it for me. But Eddie Redmayne brought me back. But then Russell Crowe came out and ruined it again. Womp womp.
  • Is it the wine talking or are a lot of dudes with really long hair winning tonight? Is that a thing? Maybe De Niro should have grown a mullet.
  • That Sound of Music gag was turrrrible.


  • Did Anne Hathaway have a heart attack when Christopher Plummer started with “Miss” instead of just “Anne..” Also, I have a massive old man crush on Plummer.
  • Ugh. Anne Hathaway’s speech. How long do you think she rehearsed saying “It came true” in her bathroom mirror. We all knew you were going to win — it’s okay to act like you knew it too. DDL knew he was going to win and he was charming and hilarious. Hathaway – 0 DDL – 1
  • Anne Hathaway’s husband is a poor man’s Ryan Gosling.
Poor man's Gosling.

Poor man’s Gosling.

  • There has been a lot of Oscar clutching. I am drunk. Thanks drinking game.
  • J-Law introducing Adele — it’s like my two best friends together on stage at the Oscars. Love them both.
  • Adele’s hair is perfection. It’s like soft golden waterfalls. Her hair and make-up are flawless. She is flawless.
You're amazing. And perfect.

You’re amazing. And perfect.

  • Nicole Kidman is looking fly. Seriously – she is so hit or miss at these events but tonight is a hit in my opinion. Work those sequins you Aussie Amazon!(Can you guys tell I’m drunk right now?? haha)
  • Did someone kick Kristen Stewart in the shins and beat the fuck out of her before she came out to present? Brush your hair hippie — this is the fucking Oscars!
Buzz, your girlfriend. Woof.

Buzz, your girlfriend. Woof.

  • Clooney — you smolder. Stay golden.
  • Is that REALLY Barbara?!?! Good god, the BEST. She’s like buttah. A giant stick of buttah! I feel like I’m in a gay man’s fever dream. First J. Hud,  then Hugh Jackman, Adele, and now Babs. Good lord, I love it.
Eternally Babs.

Eternally Babs.

  • What the hell happened to Renee Zelleweger’s face? A combination of too much botox combined with copious amounts of coke? Damn. Especially looking harsh compared to the lovely Queen, Catherine Zeta and the dapper Richard Gere. Also — did Catherine Zeta-Jones always have a rack that big?


  • God, I fucking love Adele. She is perfection. And I love that when she opens her mouth to speak that cockney accent comes out. And she called her husband her man and started to cry in the cutest way. I wish Adele could give every acceptance speech. She is also now half way to an EGOT!
  • Charlize Theron is the most attractive laugher ever. I mean, seriously.
Charlize - you are adorbs.

Charlize – you are adorbs.

  • I love Tarantino but the man looks like a mess. Did he sleep in that tux? On the other hand, his speech was great and he ended with a peace out. Love it. Love him.
  • Jane Fonda looks great. I wonder if she still does her aerobic workouts in sweet 80s gear.
  • Ang Lee is adorable. I saw Life of Pi on Saturday and he absolutely deserved that award and that standing ovation. It was a film making masterpiece! Also, his wife is amazing too!
  • JENNIFER LAWRENCE FOREVER AND EVER. In case you can’t hear it – my heart just exploded with joy. I’ve never been so excited for a stranger in my life. And that fall — goofy and perfect – and the recovery was amazing. She looked genuinely shocked and breathless and was perfect. God, I just fucking love her.


  • Daniel Day Lewis looked surprisingly emotional after winning. And his speech was funny and warm and classy. Also, he looks pretty damn fine in a tux.
  • Michelle Obama — looking good FLOTUS. Classy dame as always.
  • Ben Affleck  – you magnificent son of a bitch. I just cried at the end of your speech — especially when your voice broke when you dedicated the win to your kids. You are adorable and I am so glad you won something.
Congrats Ben!

Congrats Ben!

  • The ending with Kristen Chenowith and Seth MacFarlane was really weird. Good thing I’m drunk for this.

Thanks for reading. I’m off to take Tylenol, drink water and furiously google all things Jennifer Lawrence.

Best Dresses – 1) Jessica Chastain 2) Naomi Watts (some people hated it, but I loved it!) 3) Charlize Theron 4) Nicole Kidman 5) Sandra Bullock

Worst Dresses  – 1) Jennifer Garner 2) Kristen Stewart 3) Kerry Washington 4) Anne Hathaway 5) Zoe Saldana

Obligatory Oscar Post and Drinking Game

23 Feb

Hey everyone – in case you aren’t like me and don’t endlessly surf entertainment websites in your free time then I must inform you that the Superbowl of culture, the Academy Awards, are this Sunday. Last year was the first year of my life that I was unable to watch the telecast live while eating fancy cheese, drinking wine, rewinding the best speeches and then calling my sister to talk about who’s dress was totally ah-mahzing. I was depressed knowing that I was going to miss this event and so I didn’t watch many of the nominees, didn’t read magazine articles predicting winners and front-runners and pretended like it wasn’t happening.


Because I live in Japan, I find I do this a lot. It’s less painful to just pretend the Oscars, March Madness, and Christmas simply don’t exist than to know they exist and I am not participating in them. But that’s no way to live your life and I felt a huge void after my self-imposed Oscar strike last year. So this year I have come back with a score to settle like my name is Django. I have watched all of the best pictures nominees (with the exception of The Life of Pi which I am seeing on Saturday as per Brem’s recommendation), all of the nominated performances and now I can bring you my obligatory Will Win/Should Win blog post. You’re welcome.

Best Picture – This race is down to two frontrunners at this point — Argo and Lincoln. I saw and thoroughly enjoyed both of these movies and was very surprised on both accounts. Both of these plots sound like history lessons that I would totally want to sleep through on paper but in actuality they were full of suspense (though in very different ways), intelligent, interesting, funny (Not like Will Ferrell funny, but like NPR clever funny), and had some great performances.

If I am going to be perfectly honest, I think enjoyed Argo just slightly more than Lincoln but I was more surprised by how much I enjoyed Lincoln.I’m not usually big on historical fiction films, but Spielberg (and most importantly – Daniel Day Lewis) fucking nailed it. It was a highly entertaining history lesson with a great performances and script.

There were many other nominees I really loved. I thought Beasts of the Southern Wild was unique and beautifully done and that no movie would break my heart more than Amour did. And Silver Linings Playbook boasted an excellent ensemble and was one of the more enjoyable 2 hours I spent watching a movie this year.

Will Win – Argo. Apparently a lot of voters are pissed because Ben Affleck wasn’t nominated for best director (and yes, he should have been) and so now the good will for Ben (get it “good will”?) and the movie will arrive in a best picture win for Argo.

Nominee for sexiest beard in a movie.

Nominee for sexiest beard in a movie.

Should Win – Lincoln or Silver Linings Playbook. I really enjoyed Argo a ton, but I think Lincoln was the better overall movie. It was funny, engaging, had a huge cast of talented actors, a great script, and a tour de force perfomance by DDL. Also Brem’s favorite boy, Joseph Gordon Levitt, was in it. And Silver Linings Playbook was the movie I most enjoyed watching just for the entertainment and heart of it.


Wish it was nominated – The Impossible — seriously — great performances from the leads and a truly terrifying and great movie – I think people were afraid to see it because of the subject matter and that is too damn bad, Perks of Being a Wallflower – great script, excellent young cast, and an incredibly real and moving look at the high school years, Moonrise Kingdom – My favorite Wes Anderson movie since Rushmore.

Best Actor

I don’t think I need to or want to talk about the other performances in this category because Daniel Day Lewis owns this shit. His Abraham Lincoln is absolutely mesmerizing and it carries the movie. Of course he has great actors to bounce off and work with – but really – I think I could probably watch DDL read the phone book as Lincoln and be pretty damn amazed.

Will Win – Daniel Day Lewis for Lincoln


Should Win – Daniel Day Lewis for Lincoln

Wish They Were Nominated – Tom Holland for The Impossible. He and Naomi Watts totally owned this movie, I don’t care if he is a teenager — he definitely gave an amazing performance that gave me chills, John Hawkes – The Sessions – he gave one of the most moving and funniest performances of the year in a movie that could have been awful but ended up to be beautiful. And he did it while in an iron lung or laying down. A real shame he wasn’t nominated.

Best Actress

This category is full of fabulous performances. At first it seemed liked it was Jessica Chastain’s to lose but I have to say that she actually gives my least favorite performance in this category. Her character was too elusive, there wasn’t enough for me to get attached to. And this doesn’t have to do with Chastain, who I think is a lovely and talented actress who will certainly win an Oscar or two in her time, but more with the fact that the other women just deliver so much more.

Although Naomi Watts is a very long shot she was so alive and electrifying in The Impossible and Quvenzhane Wallis turned in the type of performance that I think only an innocent child could pull off – completely lacking artificiality and extremely raw – she made me want to name a baby Hushpuppy. Emanuelle Riva broke my heart into a thousand pieces in Amour – even more so because in the past ten years I watched both of my grandmothers fall quickly in decline via Alzheimers and cancer.

Why didn't this movie get more attention?

Why didn’t this movie get more attention?

But for my money the best performance of the year was given by Jennifer Lawrence. Now, I know I’ve written about my best friend obsession with Jlaw in the blog before – but see this movie and you’ll know what I’m talking about. I feel like the movie didn’t start until she walked into the frame. She is sexy, messy, vulnerable, funny, tragic, and a complete fucking revelation. Her Tiffany in Silver Linings Playbook is the standout performance of the film (that is filled with great performances) – just watch the scene where she takes down De Niro and tell me she doesn’t deserve that gold, bald man! Also – how great is her speech going to be if she wins? I know this shouldn’t factor in, but damn — the girl gives a funny speech.

Jlaw and B Coop - you are both amazing.

Jlaw and B Coop – you are both amazing.

Will Win – (fingers crossed) J-Law for Silver Linings Playbook (though apparently Riva, who celebrates her 86th birthday on Sunday is nipping at her heels)

Should Win – JLaw – I don’t care that people are saying that Riva should win since she is 86 and this is her last shot and that Lawrence is 22 and will surely be nominated many more times. We should reward to the performance of the year — and to me — that’s future celebrity bff — Jlaw.

Wish They Were Nominated – Can’t think of anyone here. They pretty much nailed this category.

Best Supporting Actor

This is also an extremely tight race though I find myself less than invested since every guy in this category already has an Oscar and with the exception of De Niro – acquired said Oscar in the best 10 years. I liked all of the performances in this category but I think Christoph Waltz felt more like a lead than a supporting character. Full disclosure – I have a mad hot crush on Waltz — it can’t be explained.

I sort of hate this category because the person who I think gave the best performance is the one I sort of hope doesn’t win because his speech will be dry and horrible and he seems like a dick in real life — Mr. Tommy Lee Jones. Jones is great in Lincoln, funny, feisty and everything he is seemingly not when I see him being interviewed.


Jones is great – but I sort of hope that Robert De Niro wins even though I think Jones was better. I love De Niro but he definitely had been phoning it in for years so I was really surprised to see him bring such emotion and life to his character in Silver Linings Playbook.There is also something about him that kind of reminds me of my dad — they don’t look alike – but there is just something. Anyway, cheering for De Niro, won’t hate it if Alan Arkin wins because his speech will be great, but I sense Jones will walk away the winner.

Will Win – Tommy Lee Jones for Lincoln – He will also give the most boring speech ever and I will not watch it.

Should Win – I’m going to go with my heart (not my head) and say Robert De Niro for Silver Linings Playbook.

De Niro

Should Have Been Nominated – Ezra Miller – The Perks of Being a Wallflower — the kid totally destroyed it and reminds me of a young Robert Downey Junior. I look forward to seeing where he goes next in his career. The guy playing Hushpuppy’s dad in Beasts of the Southern Wild.

Best Supporting Actress

Anne Hathaway has pretty much locked this up and started practicing her super fake surprised face and her humble “it’s an honor to be in this category of women” speech (stop acting shocked you won – you’ve been sweeping the category this awards season). I don’t hate Hathaway by any means, in fact I thought she should have won Best Actress for Rachel Getting Married,  but I think this performance is WAY over-hyped. Sure she did the song live and in one take, but I didn’t feel that merits an award. I don’t know how buzz gets started or how it just became a foregone conclusion that she’d win, but I think it sucks.


For my money – the very best and perhaps the gutsiest performance of the year was given by Helen Hunt in The Sessions. If you’ve seen the movie then I have to remind you of that scene where she breaks down in the car after seeing Mark for their last session. She knocks it out the park. I know the likely runner up to Hathaway would be Sally Field – who delivered a great and sassy turn as Mrs. Lincoln – but I think her performance is getting runner-up status because everyone loves a come back and Sally Field is a beloved two time Academy Award winner. But I’m telling you – see The Sessions and then tell me that Helen Hunt isn’t the bad damn performance in this category.

Will Win – Anne Hathaway for Les Miserables – (PS – She gave a better performance as the sexy and morally ambiguous Selina Kyle in final Batman movie)

Should Win – Helen Hunt – The Sessions

Easily one of the top five performances of the year in any category.

Easily one of the top five performances of the year in any category.

Should Have Been Nominated – I really thought Kayla Howard – (the little girl in Moonrise Kingdom)  was something else. I hope she keeps a level head and turns out like a Fanning instead of a Lohan.

Best Director – Everyone is still pretty pissed that Ben Affleck isn’t nominated (myself included) but there are some terrific nominees in this category. I think it’s between Ang Lee and Spielberg for this one with David O. Russell as the dark horse contender. I am seeing Life of Pi later this afternoon so I feel I can’t speak to this category except to say I’d be rooting for Affleck had he been nominated and until I see Life of Pi I think Spielberg is my pick to win.

Will Win – Spielberg for Lincoln

Should Win – Can’t say until I’ve seen Life of Pi — will fill you in later.

Oscars Drinking Gamemac

Drink anytime the following happens:

  • Seth MacFarlane uses a voice from Family Guy
  • When someone refers to Jennifer Lawrence as Jlaw

jlaw awards

  • Any time someone mentions Ben Affleck getting snubbed or Ben Affleck in general
  • When the camera cuts to Tommy Lee Jones’ unsmiling face


  • Anyone makes the “oh no you didn’t” face after MacFarlane rips on someone in his opening monologue
  • Every time someone says “It’s an honor to be nominated”
  • When the camera cuts to Jack Nicholson (if he is attending), Jennifer Lawrence, Ben Affleck, or Robert De Niro. I feel like they may be getting a lot of face time.


  • Someone mentions how old Quvenzhane Wallis or Emanuelle Riva are.
  • Someone mispronounces or makes a joke about mispronouncing “Quvenzhane”
  • Someone thanks Harvey Weinstein
  • When a person clutches the Oscar tightly and raises it in the air during a speech
My other celeb bff shows off proper Oscar clutching technique. Drank if you see this happen.

My other celeb bff shows off proper Oscar clutching technique. Drank if you see this happen.

What I’m Reading – Just finished two great books. The first one, The End of Your Life Book Club by Will Schwable, I have mentioned on the blog before. I finished it last week and full body sobbed into my pillow before going to bed. A book about death, life, and reading — I loved it and could not recommend it more if you are a lover of books. A great non-fiction read. I also just read The Silver Linings Playbook by Matthew Quick. I saw the movie before reading the book (something I usually avoid doing), but it didn’t ruin my enjoyment of the book at all. A rare case when the book and movie are very close in quality and enjoyment to each other. A funny, fast read.

What I’m Watching – The wedding episode of Parks and Recreation was just completely lovely. I cried literally (said in my Chris Traeger voice) three times. Particularly at the scenes between Ron and Leslie. This is the best ensemble comedy tv show on the air right now and this episode proves it with it’s heart and hilarity.

What I’m Listening To – Took Brem’s advice and avoided the new Local Natives album and instead have been feeling nostalgic and listening to their old album Gorilla Manor. I forgot what a great full album that way. There isn’t a song I skip when I am driving.

That’s all. Thanks for reading, thanks for liking this on facebook, passing it on to your friends, messaging us with your kind words, etc. We appreciate you guys!

Girls S2 E6 – Love you, Bye

21 Feb

So Girls returns to it’s regular format and it seems that Hannah’s two days in Joshua’s house are all but forgotten. There is no mention of Hannah quitting and walking out on her job or of Joshua. I want to say I thought this was weird, but I am going to take the last episode as a stand alone, dream-like short film about Hannah instead of part of the series in order for me to wrap my mind around it. I’ve also written a rap song about Joshua called “Brownstone Paradise” that goes to the tune of Coolio’s “Gangsta’s Paradise” – that I will refrain from posting on this blog out of respect for myself and for you. I guess you can say I thought a lot about last episode.

So there were pretty much two storylines going on in this episode with a smattering of other random moments but it mostly focused on Adam and Ray kind of bro-ing out in their quest to returned a stolen dog to Staten Island and then the intertwining stories of Hannah and Marnie’s crumbling lives/friendship.

I guess we’ll talk about the boys first for once instead of immediately talking about Hannah since she took up all of last recap like a selfish betch.

Adam and Ray – I can’t mention Ray without mentioning what spurs his trip to Adam’s and then off to Staten Island. Shosh and Ray are having at chat at Grumpys. After finding out her boyfriend is a “loser” who is living with her and aspires to do nothing more than be a barista she suggests that he attend a learning annex seminar for entrepreneurs complete with a speech by Donald Trump. Shosh is gently trying to nudge Ray into making a decision about his future and he balks at the idea. Hannah walks in just in time before the conversation gets bigger and  apparently was not fired for walking out of her job and fucking Josh(ua) for two straight days.

A Marmee or an Amy?

A Marmee or an Amy?

As Ray berates Hannah for being late and they start a conversation about Hannah’s book deal – he asks where his copy of Little Women he lent her is. Naturally, she left it Adam’s because Hannah is the type of friend who would TOTALLY borrow your stuff and then nonchalantly leave it somewhere she was never planning on going to again. UGH. I hate that. I might have made people sign books out of my personal library before and I also never lend to someone again after they’ve not returned something or lost it. Fuckers.

I love my books. And so does Ray — especially because his godmother writes things “that relate to his shit” in the back of the books she has gifted him. I thought this statement to be funny and oddly sweet. How does Little Women relate to his shit? Who knows? But when Shosh asks him the hilarious “Are you a Marmee or an Amy?” – it was worth the set up. The conversation ends by both Hannah and Shosh telling Ray that it’s his duty as a man to go get his own book back – and with his manhood in question – he heads to Adam’s.

Boys talkin' bout Girls

Boys talkin’ bout Girls

There was a time that I loved Adam and thought he was weirdly appealing but now I am questioning his sanity. Of course he’s blasting loud rock/metal music and throwing around tools in his apartment of found objects (that is starting to resemble a prop room for the Saw movies) and then we find out he stole a dog. Sure, we’ve all thought about this before after seeing a person mistreat an animal (or a child) – we briefly think — I am gonna go rescue that poor thing – but then we realize that is completely fucking crazy and we don’t. But not Adam. He is so lonely and off the hinges that he steals a dog. Said dog of course bites him and to remedy the sitch, he puts the dog in the bathroom and pours baking soda on his wound. Yikes. If this is sounding crazy, it’s because it is, it’s fucking nuts.

Ray just wants his book back and so after chastising Adam for stealing man’s best friend and encouraging him to return “dog” to Staten Island, Ray tells Adam that he can just leave the book in his mail area and he’ll get it later. But then Adam asks Ray to come with him to Staten Island and Ray is so desperate to feel like a man and be someone’s back up – he takes the bait and hops on the ferry.

They proceed to have a conversation about women and Shosh and Hannah that I find to be completely fucking unrealistic. This is like a woman’s fantasy of what guys talk about with each other when we’re not there — because there is no way that Adam would ask how things were “going” with Ray and Shosh. Guys don’t talk about that shit with other guys who are pretty much strangers.

Two weird looking dudes

Two weird looking dudes

They have this deep conversation about how women being confident in their bodies is sexy and how the women in their life don’t get that it’s hard trying to be a man/deal with life’s disappointments (this is obviously paraphrasing – but you get the point). And I call bullshit — these guys would not have this conversation and while it serves to draw comparisons between our two resident loser dudes, it also sort of pissed me off for being pretty much a lady’s wet dream of manly conversation.

Anyway, eventually Adam and Ray get into a fight because Ray is an insecure know-it-all and Adam has anger problems that probably require medication and Adam leaves Ray to return the dog to the trashy as hell owners. Now, as I am not a resident of NYC — can anyone tell me how accurate a picture of Staten Island this paints? Is SI the Sunbury of central Pennsylvania (or insert hood-like area of your local hometown/city) that everyone avoids and mocks? The owner’s daughter ends up screaming at Ray, calling him a loser (poor Ray – everyone is making him feel inadequate this episode), and making him keep the dog.

Ray’s portion of the episode ends with him and the muzzled dog looking at Manhattan as Ray breaks into sobs at a park. I like Ray and everything – but everything Adam, the crazy girl and Shosh say to him are true. He needs to start growing up and figuring out what he wants — or at least get his own place and stop living out of his Mitsubishi.

Hannah and Marnie

I loved the scene of Hannah getting the e-book deal. She can’t believe her good fortune and you can tell she is also terrified of it and not sure she deserves it. Nothing says sheer terror like the gross scene of her puking right after getting the greatest news of her young life. Hannah tries calling Marnie to relay her exciting career development but Marnie is too busy boning the disgusting and tiny Booth Jonathan at his apartment. She ignores the calls from Hannah telling Booth “She probably just posted a new blog or found a really great hot dog” and this prompted Booth to ask why Marnie is even friends with Hannah. Marnie starts to answer but Booth cuts her off as his assistant comes in.

hannah writing

But it’s a question we’ve all been wondering — why are Hannah and Marnie still friends? It happens to all of us – we outgrow people or the people who once fit so well into our life or who we tolerated because it was just easier, don’t have to be kept once you move into a big new city. After Booth fires his assistant for eating a scoop of his rosewater ice cream (that sentence can’t get any douchier) and she storms off to join her boyfriend who is “doing lights for the Carly Rae Jepsen tour” — (perfect line) – Booth asks Marnie to assist with the party.

Oh poor, diluted Marnie thinks that she and Booth are dating and they are hosting a dinner party. She tries on dresses and talks to Shosh about their coupledom in a smug pug way that is nearly too much to take. And she seemingly doesn’t invite Shosh. Dick move Marnie. No one puts Shoshie in the corner.

Hannah, after procrastinating and writing the worst first sentence of an e-book ever, decides to attend Marnie’s function – though I’m not sure it’s out of support for Marnie or because she is realizing there is no way that she can get this book done in a month and maybe she’s not as smart and talented as she’d like to believe she is. Hannah endearingly shows up in a rain jacket while everyone else is all arty and too cool at the door. I loved Hannah’s hesitation before deciding to go in and how she catches Marnie putting her jacket underneath the pile so it won’t stand out. Marnie — UGH — you are in danger of being the wound!

the worst
The worst.

Hannah keeps trying to tell Marnie about her book deal but Marnie is focusing on being a tool, talking to “cooler” people and wearing the most hideous dress EVER! What was that thing? In the end, Hannah is left talking to a weirdo art guy and finds out that another person at the party also has a book deal, but it’s “only”an e-book deal, so it’s not a big thing. OUCH. Hannah then makes an excuse to run home, lick her wounds and write what I assume will be the worst book ever.

We also see what seems to be the end of the Booth/Marnie relationship as she calls him her boyfriend and he tells her that he thought she was being his assistant who he is boning and will throw $500 to for the party help. Marnie starts crying (really really bad acting crying — I mean, ruff stuff) and Booth calls her out for wanting to be with the idea of of him and not him. It’s a really embarrassing conversation for both of them and ends of course with Booth throwing a hissy fit and breaking bottles of wine. Marnie is crying because she’s never thought someone was her boyfriend who didn’t want to be — deal with it Marnie — even pretty girls are sometimes just slam pieces for douches.

God, this scene crushed me.

God, this scene crushed me.

Marnie flees the party and starts taking off parts of her awful Judy Jetson party dress at the subway and in a moment of weakness Hannah calls her to check in (or is she just procrastinating some more). Marnie seems relieved to be talking to Hannah and you can tell that they both want to tell each other the awful things that are happening to them — but they’re in a weird place. The looks on both of their faces when they ask each other what’s going on is so telling and heartbreaking.

They miss each other and want to say so much, but they can’t. God, Marnie was going to be wound of the week for me but when I saw her sad pathetic face and had to listen to her telling Hannah they were in Booth’s garden as she stood against the wall in half her dress at the subway station — I nearly cried.

I don’t know why this scene killed me so much. Perhaps because I know this feeling and remember it. The feeling like your friendship with someone is never going to be what it was and you are reduced to pleasantries with someone who used to know everything about you — and you want to talk about it, but eventually way leads on to way and  you don’t say anything — and you’re soon strangers. Ugh. Anyway, Marnie and Hannah — please stop and talk to each other. I need you to be friends because you are both hot messes right now and use each others perspectives.  I can’t take many more “Love you, bye” conversations that feel so sad.

Remember this you guys?! Just be friends again, ok?

Remember this you guys?! Just be friends again, ok?

We also had bits of Jessa in this storyline but she was depressed and awful but spitting truths nonetheless. No one wants to hear that what they are doing or not doing doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things but sadly Jessa is right. If Hannah writes the book it won’t matter one way or another to anyone in a month or so. It’s not going to change much. This is pretty harsh because Hannah is allowing Jessa to stay at her place and because who the fuck crushes their best friend’s good news with this sort of statement? Dick move Jessa.

So that concludes the recap. What did you think of the episode? Are Shosh and Ray headed for heartbreak? Will Hannah get her shit together and write a book? Will Adam stop being the Incredible Hulk? Will Marnie finally stop spiraling and get her shit together?

Quote of the Week :

Ray: Usually when people say they wanna be a writer they really don’t wanna do anything except, ya know, eat and masturbate.

Episode Winner: Hannah’s e-book editor. I loved that guy. I too, couldn’t believe he didn’t know what a pistachio was.

Wound of the Week : Booth Jonathan, Booth Jonathan’s cry face being projected on the wall of his apartment, Marnie’s dress.

Note – if you are reading our blog and liking what you see – please pass it on to a friend, post it on your facebook or better yet — start following us so you don’t have to see countless updates on my fb wall about GOP! Thanks for the support!

Girls S2 E5 – A Few More Thoughts

14 Feb

Okay, so last week I was in Sapporo for the famous snow festival drinking ridiculous amounts of beer and looking at snow sculptures (my life is so hard) so I asked Brem if she’d kindly take over the Girls recap for the week. I was looking forward to hearing her take on the show and I must admit I was slightly psyched to take a break from recapping – writing about this show is occasionally maddening.

But then Lena Dunham goes and does this crazy stand-alone episode and all of a sudden I feel sad I am not recapping because what. the. fuck. just happened? So I already told Brem (who did a terrific write-up which you should read) that I might jot down a few notes and post them on the blog because three days after finally watching this episode when I returned home and I am still thinking about it.

So anyway – this episode reminded me of that time on Lost when they decided to completely ignore the season’s plot and instead focus on two background characters – (Nikki and Paulo) and see the island and survivors through their eyes. It was an interesting choice AND it really pissed people off. And I imagine this episode made people feel the same way. We get Hannah in complete isolation from everything else we’ve come to know on the show (except for a little of Ray and Grumpy’s at the beginning).

Things That Ran Through My Mind While Watching This –

1) Why does Lena Dunham insist on wearing short shorts and awful clothes? I get it — she is cool with her body and I’m cool with that. As a not sized 0 human being I enjoy that she is so confident but seriously – I also dress to my body type which means that short shorts that ride up my ass and look turrrible should be avoided.

2) This episode was really beautifully lit and directed. I felt like I was in dream. Did anyone else think that part of this was in Hannah’s mind? I mean, I know she was definitely in hot doctor’s house and they banged but I liked to imagine that some of the conversation was not at all what was really being said, but what Hannah was pretending was being said in her mind (she really does skew things to revolve around her fairly often).

Things that made me think that were the explanation Joshua (oh fuck Patrick Wilson – you is fine) gave about his divorce which were weirdly vague (something something about location and things not working out) and the moment where Hannah asked him to beg her to stay and he ran through all of these crazy and dramatic romantic pleadings and beggings. Joshua did not strike me as the type of man that would do this — could this be really happening? Was this Hannah’s fantasy of begging? Did anyone else think there was a possibility that at least parts of this were in Hannah’s mind? Am I crazy for thinking this?

3) This episode felt like a sad short film/short story to me about how two lonely and lost people connect for a brief moment and then something happens, the moment passes and life goes on. I didn’t hate it like many people because I was prepared to view it as a stand alone episode, but had I not been ready for it I think I would have struggled more. I don’t watch Girls for it’s attempts at commentary on loneliness or existential ennui (especially from our Wound of the Week season leader – Hannah) – I watch it for the ensemble of characters Dunham has introduced us to, for it’s painfully awkward and humorous takes on life in your 20s, I watch it for Shosh and Ray, for Marnie’s sarcasm, for Adam’s charming weirdness, etc. I didn’t hate this episode but I am hoping doesn’t continue to do these kinds of things because I think it’s tonally very weird. But is it wrong to say I wouldn’t mind an episode that came totally from Shosh’s POV?

4) When you take away the ensemble for Hannah to bounce off of, I am not sure how I feel about her. There were moments in this episode where I really felt for her and liked her. I loved her in the moment when she watched Joshua read the newspaper in the morning outside. I like that Dunham choose to not voice anything in that moment and let us instead wonder what Hannah was thinking that made her make that face. She looks happy and wistful at the same time, almost as if you can sense her thinking that she is going to fuck this up and also realizing that this life of Joshua’s which she has tried so hard to rebel against might be something that she actually really wants.  I feel you girl.

5) The episode really gets right the whole “should I stay or should I go” thing that happens when you are first seeing someone/staying over or even if you have a one night stand. It’s always awkward and messy to leave — there’s no good way to exit without making yourself or the other person feel like shit.

Also, I love how it captures the moment when Hannah takes it too far with her confessions and goes from being a quirky young woman in Joshua’s eyes to a whole bowl of crazy he wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole. We all have put our foot in our mouth with potential romantic suitors and even when I can hear my brain telling me to “shut UP!”, I can’t stop myself and self destruct.

Of course Hannah couldn’t handle this sitch. Brem pretty much wrote about what a nut Hannah turns into so I won’t say much more. But was anyone else super disturbed about the potential idea that Hannah was sexually molested by her babysitter? This would explain all of her weird attitudes towards sex. But who just drops that into a script?

Other Random Thoughts –

The Ping Pong thing – Again, this is well covered by Brem — but who the hell plays ping pong topless? I can see playing ping pong pants-less — hell, I support pants-less ping pong – but topless is just weird. Although god bless Lena Dunham for having Patrick Wilson shirtless for a nice majority of this episode. Me likey.

– I loved Hannah’s complete and total honesty about the trash thing. She knew she sounded nuts and told the story anyway. Sometimes she is refreshingly brave and weird and I really dig her for that.

– I hated her “I just wanna be happy” admission. Fuck girl, welcome to the world — this is basically what everyone human being wants. Although kudos to the Fiona Apple reference and the whole “I just wanna feel it all”. Fiona is misunderstood but not crazy — I can see where you think you are like her, but I assure you Hannah Horvath – you aren’t Fiona.

– For some reason I really liked the end of the episode. Hannah taking her time and looking around at all the things in Joshua’s house and eating breakfast and trying on what it would be like to live this kind of life while at the same time saying goodbye to this particular opportunity to have it. It was both sad and kind of beautiful. I couldn’t help but wonder if Hannah has learned anything from this experience in the end or if she’ll go back to her life and everything will continue as it has been.

– I loved Brem for talking about how great a talky romance movie/tv show can be by citing my favorite romantic movie EVER – Before Sunrise (and Before Sunset) — seriously – if you have never seen these movies, I could not recommend them more. I don’t look across a room and fall in love with someone – but I can have a great conversation with someone and think — “My god — this person — where have they been all my life?”

Thanks to Brem for already posting about this week’s show — what a doozy to cover for her first recap! What did you think of the episode? Loved it or hated it? Please feel free to comment — we LOVE feedback in a way that is only mildly ego-centric. Happy Galentine’s Day y’all!


14 Feb

Wo-oof. When I agreed to take on this week’s GIRLS recap I was excited. But then this episode happened and BUZZ, YOUR GIRLFRIEND, WOOF! There was so much cringing I was starting to get muscle contractures.  It was a totally weird episode, that follows only Hannah through a 2-day encounter with a rich, handsome doctor after she admits she was sneaking trash into his can. I liked how it started, I like the premise and I bought into how she ended up banging this hot, successful dude, as you can just tell he’s incredibly lonely. I really love “Before Sunrise” type moment-in-time love stories that are allll dialogue (I might have had one personal experience where I met a guy at the beach and we stayed up all night talking on a porch and ended up kissing knee-high in the surf as the sun came up, never to speak to him again and it was  l o v e l y.) and this episode could have been awesome. Only it really wasn’t.


Things I liked about this episode:

  • The friggin beautiful house this man lived in, oh my.
  • When she asks him to beg her to stay (but not like he’s in Toy Story).  I don’t know I just really liked his response, and then hers. (Please don’t leave me, I want you to stay this night and every night, I don’t want you to ever leave my house, I will burn it down if you leave, there’s a good chance I’ll kill myself if you leave, I don’t ever want to be without you – I change my mind, it’s stressful!)
  • Scenes from next week’s episode. Other characters come back! Adam!

Things I didn’t really like about this episode:

  • Nudity – I like that Lena Dunham is comfortable doing sex scenes and being naked and I am honestly somewhat fascinated by the proportions of her body (as Jessa said “Her breasts! They’re teensy!”) but this was just. too. much. There is no reason not to put on a T-shirt when you are going to play ping pong.  I couldn’t even listen to the obnoxious drivel coming out of her mouth during that scene because all I was thinking was “you think you’re so kooky to have written in a naked ping pong scene! and “wow, those proportions!”.  And not to be a dick (said right before a super dick comment), but those see-through shorts were superbly awful, too.  I know I’m just too obsessed with bodies, but geeez.
  • I just couldn’t get over how much Joshua looks and talks like Gob Bluth, my mind kept saying “Hermano!”
  • Ray being a dick, wtf. I want to like him more than I do. Stop making him a dick, please. I do think he’s a good actor though.

Things I hated about this episode

  • Hannah (just one bullet needed here). She will also be running unopposed in this week’s Wound of the Week poll. First, her weird braggy confidence (You’re beautiful – You think so? – Yeah, don’t you? – Yeah, I DO it’s just not always the feedback I’ve been given) and the way she is self-righteously pissed when he just stares at her after her crazy rant.  There was an insecurity and uncertainty that made her somewhat endearing (I am 13 pounds overweight and it has been awful for me my whole life!) and now she is just insufferable.  I hated her being a dick and calling him Josh, her “baring her soul” about wanting to be happy (oh shut, up, you want a brownstone) and the kicker was the line “If anything I’m too smart, and too sensitive, and too not crazy”. Riiiight.


Review Roundup: A Bunch of Unrelated Stuff

11 Feb

So, wow, yeah, I’ve been terrible at blogging. My excuse is that we opened our homebrew store this past week and have been really busy. It’s a terrible excuse because I didn’t really do much for the store opening and also who cares? Anyway, I’m going to cram a bunch of unrelated crap into this post for your digestion!

Act 1 – Guilty Pleasures: Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant

My biggest weakness when it comes to “bad” TV is the dynamic duo of 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom (or as Brad now calls any bad TV show “Teen Baby Mom” or as JK called it “pregnant babies and teenage retards” [i don’t like to use the r-word, but please!]). I know I’m not alone in the love of these shows, and that does bring me some solace. But just a teeny, tiny bit.  It is SO bad, so, so painfully bad that it forces me to take a look at my life and realize I’m living on a golden fucking cloud. So, yeah,  it is the worst ever reason to like a show. It is the exact, exact same desire to look for a person lying on the ground as you drive past a car accident that causes me to watch these shows. Oh, look, your life sucks way worse than mine. Imma spy on you! HOLY SHIT, your life is a shitshow!  Wow, yeah that makes me feel pretty despicable.  But, oh, look – cute babies!


And in response to you, Beddall – I also really loved Coyote Ugly and me and my friend Jess saw it in the theater and tried to learn dance moves and pretended to dance on bars for a few months. We were still in the “career exploration” period of our lives so it was totally worthwhile.  And we learned something – nope, I don’t think we can make it in the world of dancing on bars. Thank god we didn’t try songwriting – I’ve seen my journals from that age and there is literally nothing more horrible ever written in the history of human beings.  Not even

Act 2 – Oscar movie review: Life of Pi

I decided to go to the movie theater alone for the first time in my life. And actually I almost failed as I got the time wrong and found myself banging on the door of the movie theater when it wasn’t even open yet and I felt really stupid. No matter. I really didn’t know what this movie was about – I knew there was a part about a boy on a boat with a tiger – but what I didn’t expect was allllll the animals.  If you don’t know about me and my feelings about animals I will simplify – I am afraid of them and when animals are near me I feel like I’m right on the verge of peeing myself.  So there were some uncomfortable parts and many, many parts when I was really afraid of the tiger.  I honestly doubt most people will have this reaction, as I am a weirdo.

But the important points – the story was sad and heartwarming and the whole thing was a beautiful, huge, visual feast – it gets a little weird and fantasyish at points but the visual effects are dazzling.  I may have audibly gasped a few times when different animals appeared onscreen and I was embarrassed when people in the theater turned to look at me. Thank god no one was there for me to embarrass.  Yeah, that’s a whale jumping through a sea of bioluminescent plankton.


I am honestly at a loss about which movie I think should win best picture this year. More in depth analysis when I’ve seen ’em all.

Act 2 – Bonus Movie Review – 50/50

This movie just came on TV so I left it on not expecting much, but I ended up really liking it. I must have totally missed it when it was new, or it just didn’t generate a ton of buzz (ugh, did I really just say that? gross.) but whatever.  Joseph Gordon Levitt is super adorable in it (much better looking than when he was in Looper and they did weird stuff to his face to make him look like Bruce Willis – which didn’t work by the way) even when he was sickly and didn’t have hair (it’s a cancer movie – surprise!).  His crinkly eyes, awwwh – just as cute as he was in 500 days of Summer. I also really like Anna Kendrick, she does an amazing job of being a little girl pretending to be a grown up. She’s going to end up being the biggest breakout of Twi.light after all. Great awkwardness, Anna! (Is that a good compliment or what?!).

Anyway, in just about every romantic comedy (this one is a little romantic, but I really wouldn’t call it a romantic comedy. Or even a comedy. What is it? Heartwarming, sarcastic cancer movie with cute boy and Seth Rogan?) there is usually a point where one character does something really stupid and annoying that pisses off the other one and then they are separated and have to jump through hoops and have a series of annoying misunderstandings and “DON’T DO THAT” moments and it makes me tense and angry and if I didn’t mention it, annoyed. This movie didn’t have that.  Also, I really like his face.


Act 4 -Album Review: Local Natives, Hummingbird

Sigh. I pretty much never feel the need to write about music I don’t really love, but I just can’t stop thinking about the sad, sad phenomenon that is the sophomore slump.  Beddall was the one who introduced me to the Local Natives first album, Gorilla Manor and I was hooked. I listened to it over and over and couldn’t get enough. It had the lines and the punch that made me rewind and replay 10 second parts because I wanted to sing along over and over and squeeze my hands into fists because it was just so GOOD (A cubism dream, the most beauuuutiful squares I’d ever seen!).  So I was really excited to purchase this album the day it came out. But it’s gone.  Nothing offensive about this album, but the punch isn’t there, the floating feeling, the need to take a deep breath when a song was over. I feel sorry for it. It’s in the friendzone.


Act 5 – Concert Review: Jeff Mangum (of Neutral Milk Hotel)

The back story is that after the album ‘In the Aeroplane Over the Sea’ came out in 1998, he couldn’t tolerate the relative fame and he stopped performing publicly, with very few exceptions (a benefit for a friend, once for protesters at the Occupy movement in NYC, among a few others).  So when he announced a tour I was psyched (but still waited til the last minute to get my hands on some tickets, which wound up working out perfectly with awesome seats).  I think that the room of people at this show could have all been my soul mates. Just looking around at the faces I just knew that these people appreciate music the way I do – I was among friends and was somewhat distraught we would only be together for a night.

Anyway, the crowd sat in hushed anticipation as he walked out – and looked the part of grizzled hermit with long hair and giant mountain man beard. But his voice soared and everyone sang along and it was warm and fuzzy and when someone asked if we were allowed to stand up and he said okay and everyone walked respectfully as close as possible for the encore of ‘In the Aeroplane Over the Sea’.  And we all sang along again, and we were happy.

And the crowd may have included Sean Hoots (of one of my all time faves, Hoots and Hellmouth) and seeing as how he was about 25 feet away from me I had to accost him and tell him I really liiiiked him and he was really nice and he looked at me with smiley, crinkley eyes and I’ve been listening to them for days with a smile. Geez, with the runon sentences.

My picture sucks, and pictures of him on the internet looked nothing like him so here’s a link to Mike’s: Mountain Man Jeff Mangum

Act 6 – Book Review: A Visit from the Goon Squad

So far I am having a hard time keeping everything straight and have to keep going back to remember who the fuck is who.  It’s one of those books with a million characters and jumps through time without chapter headings that say something like “Bennie, 1974”. That would probably help me. It has great reviews but so far I’m not too wowed. I’ll let ya know if anything changes. Or I’ll forget, you never know with me.

SO – here’s the question I pose to you – My “What I’ve been Reading” section has been really sucking, so I toyed with the idea of dismissing my reservations and reading 50 Shades of Gray just so I can review it here. But I don’t know if I should do that because I have avoided it like the plague and don’t really want to. eh?


Why I’ll Never Really Be An Adult (But I’m trying really hard)

6 Feb

The Ways In Which I am Slowly Becoming an Adult

I’ve always thought that adulthood sounded like some exotic destination that I’d never really get to like Fiji or the inside of Ryan Gosling’s bedroom but in reality I guess it’s been slowly creeping up on me for some time now. I thought perhaps it’d be like Publisher’s Clearing House where someone knocks on my door after I’ve put together a book shelf with real tools without crying or cooked myself a balanced dinner with all the food groups and I’d magically be handed a paper that says – “Congratulations – you are an adult. You are able to make mature decisions and can now be taken seriously”. I know now it doesn’t really happen this way but wouldn’t it be better if it did? I’d love if there was a checklist to maturity of things I need to do in order to feel like I both have my shit together and that others recognize it. You need to sign a lease for a new apartment? — no problem – just hand them your certificate of adulthood and sign away. If only.

Feel free to comment and add to the list but here is what I think I am doing and have done that really makes me feel like an adult these days:

1) Buying furniture for your house or apartment. This does not include bean bags or hammocks, because c’mon – as much as we’d all love to live in a fort – it’s not practical.

2) Having movers move said furniture into your apartment/house. Nothing says “I’m doing okay” like the ability to pay that extra $30 to have your shit delivered to your house instead of asking your dad or friends to help you move it.

3) Doing your own taxes. Seriously, I really felt like I was the most mature person in the world when I did this. It only happened for the first time three years ago and I still have my dad double check it but man did I feel moderately competent at life after I did it. Also, last year I filled out a foreign tax form AND checked my friends’ tax form. #adultfosho

4) Being able to kill vermin without crying/screaming/vomming. I can’t lie – I’m not all the way there with this but no longer living with other people is def. forcing me into being my own heroine as I rescue myself from stink bugs, spiders, and (shivers) cockroaches.

5) The ability to refuse taking shots and to avoid certain types of alcohol. When I was 21-26 I had a hard time saying no – even when I know it would hurt, it always hurt so good. But once you’ve vomsploded so violently on New Years Day that you had to wear sunglasses to New Years Dinner (which your grandma was attending) and had to lie about said sunglasses (I’m sure everyone believed I “scratched my eye”) you’re hitting a bottom. There are many more stories of me and shots and alcohol types that make me behave badly (*cough* – tequila) – but my mom and dad read this blog so we don’t really need to get into it here do we?

Anyway, I think the ability to say “no” in any situation (not just booze related) is a major step in being an adult. It says you know your limits and you aren’t afraid to stand up for yourself and that is badass and adult. I’ve always admired people who can just say “No, I don’t want to do that” without giving excuses, mostly because I am not that person. To this day when I don’t want to do something for whatever reason I feel the need to give 3 reasons why I don’t want to or can’t do it. It’s terrible and I blame my guilty Catholic conscience (Thanks a lot God!).

6) Being able to be alone and live alone. Yes, this is a bit of a depressing one but a good indicator of adulthoodness I think. Last year in Japan marked the first time I have lived alone without friends or family. It was hard at first. If there were dishes in the sink they were clearly mine – same goes for hair in the drain, a disgusting bathroom, and expired food in the refrigerator.

Being able to live alone makes you accountable for all of your shit and being able to balance cleaning, cooking, and entertaining yourself is super hard. I didn’t think I was going to be able to do it but I find I am doing okay. There are days when I’m lonely but then I go to the kitchen (sometimes pantsless – one day I will write about the joys of being alone in one’s apartment pantless) and start cooking a well balanced meal like a real adult which I usually narrate with Julia Child’s voice. Disclaimer: I never said living alone doesn’t make you a little nuts.

7) Being financially responsible. This is the pits. Do I need to say more? Paying your Bills, Bills, Bills like a Destiny’s Child song is the worst, but it’s necessary because you can’t flee the country and live off of the grid for the rest of your life no matter how much paying students loans makes you want to die inside. Paying the bills sucks. It’s part of being an adult and it’s horrible. Not everything on this list is great you know.

8) I will follow paying the bills with something awesome. Traveling. Or shopping. Or whatever it is your real world job affords you to be able to do that you love. Yes, being a student rules, but being broke sucks balls. Being an adult means you are making money and maybe you have enough dough to save or put aside to do some cool shit. Did I mention I just got scuba certified in Malaysia over Christmas? I did? Well, see, — being an adult fucking rules!­­­­

Look at me, I’m killing it and that is only 8 things on the checklist that I have done toward my girl scout badge of maturity. I’d probably also add being a good friend, a good listener and a good family member is probably on that list….sort of like not being a selfish asshole, but I feel like that is sort of a given and not just for adults but for all humans. Anyway, I think I am doing a pretty good job of acting like a grown up but before I go to the front of the auditorium to get my Big Kid diploma I have some confessions, which brings us to the next portion of this blog.

Reasons Why Being a Grown Up is my Everest (aka – a basically impossible and deadly climb)

1) As you can see from the above title of this section I might be a little bit dramatic. I don’t think I’ll ever grow out of my dramatic and hyperbolic reactions to things, it can’t be helped. I recognize when I am being ridiculous but it doesn’t mean I am actively trying to stop being this way. And not trying to change or improve my flaws means I am not really there yet on the maturity spectrum. I’m over it. (yea, a real mature answer, I know).

2)  My Amazon Shopping Cart. I could probably put online shopping in here in general because it’s something that stops me from doing my responsible household duties and instead has me surfing the internet for hours putting things in virtual shopping carts that I don’t really need. Things in my current Amazon Shopping Cart include: A) An iPad case (very responsible choice – I like to take care of things) B) A  bathtub crayon that isn’t going to leave marks all over my body like the last one did C) Various records for my new record player D) Lego Set – Hogwarts Castle  – I mostly keep it there because a girl can dream. Oh god, this was embarrassing to write. Japan is really cold in the winter and doesn’t believe in central heating so I take a lot of baths to warm up. I couldn’t find a Walkmen to play a tape of Prince’s “Kiss” like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman so I went with toys. I don’t regret this decision. I have a basketball set, boats and a crayon that leaves unfortunate stains on me when I write with the red or purple colors.  As far as the Lego set goes – my joy for Lego was rekindled two years ago when I was a nanny for a week for one of my favorite co-workers.  I spent a snow day with the kids building Lego sets and it was oddly the most satisfying thing I had done that week (including anything job related). Legos give me a tangible sense of accomplishment I don’t get from much anywhere else.

3) I like to talk in voices –  If we are pretty good friends then you have probably witnessed or participated in the talking in voices/being characters. It can’t be helped. I LOVE talking in voices and taking on characters. When I go on vacation with my best friends there is chance that there might be a whole day dedicated to talking in voices or being characters. Why? Because we are 12 and it’s awesome to make up a back story and then go out in public and be ridiculous. My best friend and I have had entire conversations mostly conducted by using the word “Meow” (I know it’s sounds weird, but I think it might be hilarious and slightly endearing – no?).

4) Photo shoots and fake mustaches/costumes – One time on the way to Disney World (yes, two grown ass women went to Disney) with my best friend we almost missed our exit because I was laying down beats and she was freestyle rapping as disco played in the background. I have a collection of fake mustaches. I save ugly sweaters and shirts in hopes that one day there will be a costume party where I can bust it out. I love costumes and Halloween more than the average seven year old. Last time I was with all of my best friends at once we had a photo shoot that was deemed too embarrassing to post on facebook. Our best gay played the photographer and used phrases like “Work your angles”. I brought fake tattoos to this gathering and we spent a good half hour deciding what to use and where to put them and what it means.

5) Inappropriate Conversations About Fictional Characters – Last year one of my best friends visited me in Japan and our conversation turned to Harry Potter. We have pretty much sorted everyone we knew into houses on another trip but then we started sorting my friends she had met that week. We then moved to a conversation where we speculated on the sex lives of the Hogwarts students and staff (totally inappropriate). But I mean, there were hundreds of teenagers in Hogwarts Castle and you want to tell me that NO ONE was doing it? Dream on. Pansy Parkinson was a total ho. She was the village bicycle of Slytherin House. And Lavender Brown? Total rebound hook-up with Ernie McMillan after Ron dumped her ass. This naturally led to a conversation on whether or not Madam Pomfrey ever performed magical abortions. What is wrong with us? I say nothing, but you may think just a little less of me after reading this section, and I think I am okay with that.

6) I talk to my mom…a LOT! Okay, so I guess this is kind of sweet now since I am 6000 miles away but I can’t lie, I talk to my mom an ungodly amount of time. After college when I was working in a job I hated and ate lunch alone (oooh, so sad like Cady in Mean Girls) I used to call my mom and talk to her about my shitty day. She listened to me and told me about her day and what was going on and it was a mundane conversation that still made my day better. Then there were the 2 years that I lived with my “roommates” Jim and Peg Beddall when I moved home to figure out my life. I would go on walks every night with my mom, eat most meals with her and then watch our programs together. I would even take her out to dinner on Fridays when my pops was reffing b-ball and we would talk some more.

My mom has heard every random thought in my head like “I think I want to be a children’s librarian” or “I am applying for a Fulbright to teach in Nepal” and not once has she said “Erin, stop talking – you are ridiculous”. And I love her for it. I’m not sure if this falls into the category of not making me an adult or not but if daily talks with my mom (okay, now more like 3 times a week since I’m so far away) make me a baby then I will NEVER be an adult.

7) I am obsessed with pop culture, trashy magazines, celebrity gossip and am way too involved with my tv shows, books, and favorite movies. I recently spent an hour youtubing videos of Jennifer Lawrence interviews because she is hilarious. I also spent an embarrassing amount of time looking at pictures of Ryan Gosling and trying to figure out if Jon Snow and Ygritte from Game of Thrones on HBO are dating. A real adult with actual responsibilities would never waste their time on this shit.

Future husband. Adult style Tiger Beat crush

Future husband. Adult style Tiger Beat crush

I am sure can add to both of these lists for a VERY long time but I’ve already taken up so much of your sweet and precious adult time that you could have used to work on a budget or pay online bills or something so I won’t bother you anymore. The good thing is that being in Japan has definitely placed me more in the “real adult” column than in the “baby adult” column despite some drinking and crashing on people’s floors. Again, I’d love to see your “Adult Checklist”. Sidenote: You must be at least 24 to submit an answer because if you are younger than that then you haven’t had time to be a “real adult” yet unless you’re that chick who ‘From Homeless to Harvard’ was based on. Seriously, not having enough money to buy good beer or wine not in a box means you can’t answer this.

*This post was taken and edited and updated from a personal blog I wrote last year to my friends and family while I was living in Japan. I wrote a blog every week last year chronicling this adventure and will be trying to post all of the old blogs/e-mails on another blog page soon!

What I’m Reading

The End of Your Life Book Club by Will Schwalbe – It’s non-fiction and it’s beautiful. A book about a mother and son and how their love of books and reading brought them even closer together in the mother’s last months battling stage 4 cancer. I fell asleep last night with tears in my eyes and I am only halfway done.

What I’m Watching – Beyonce’s Superbowl halftime show — over and over. So fierce that I actually yelled at my computer “Fucking strut” when she got onstage. Also, under Brem and my sister’s recommendation I am watching Shameless and delighting in it’s trashiness.

What I’m Listening to: Tame Impala – Lonerism. A sort of psychaedelic surfer sound to the album that I am enjoying. It’s not rocking out music but rather just nice background music while I am cleaning or driving.

Girls S2 E4 – Wait…are we living together?

5 Feb

Finally we get some quality scenes with Shosh and Ray. Rayshanna? I wasn’t sure how many more Hannah-centric episodes of this show I could take and so I was happy to see the love and scenes being spread around to the rest on the cast – particularly to Shosh and Ray. Jessa and Thomas John also had a great scene together as did Marnie and Charlie. And Hannah wasn’t the most intolerable character for once (though I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive her for kicking out Elijah and being such a dick about it). This was hands down my favorite episode of this season so far and I had to rewind my favorite parts to watch them again.  So let’s see what’s going on with our Girls.

Hannah –
First of all – GOODBYE ELIJAH (sniffle, tear). I am so sad to write that but after Hannah’s bitchy behavior (can you believe she called George and is keeping all the furniture?!?) I have a hard time imagining Elijah ever forgiving Hannah. Their ending fight was still pretty funny and full of great one liners “You can’t re-purpose me like I’m a vintage cardigan!”but I’m very sad to see Elijah go and to see Hannah be such a ho about it.

Jazzhate must have liked her article about doing blow, wearing mesh t-shirts, and then screwing the creepy neighbor because Hannah is now a published author. And to celebrate this occasion – she is cooking pad thai (all organic) and having a dinner party. This is the world’s weirdest and worst dinner party because Hannah is either an oblivious idiot and thinks it’s totally fine to invite both Marnie and Charlie and Audrey or she wanted awkward conversations to ensue.

Nothing bundt cake.

Nothing bundt cake.

I am completely confused as to why she would invite Charlie and Audrey at all, even if she didn’t think Marnie would show. Audrey is awful. With her mustard and her blog and her headbands (god bless Marnie for getting in that “Where do you get your headbands?” dig). And do people really stay friends with a best friend’s ex-boyfriend after they break up? I mean like the type of friends who invite each other to an intimate dinner party? I would never.

Hannah’s joy at cooking and attempts at being domestic and then her attempts to keep the conversation going after it’s clearly awkward for everyone were endearing and a nice showing of the fact that Hannah has indeed grown up at least a little but she isn’t the grown up she thinks she is quite yet. It was pretty awful that she would say “Let’s let Charlie pick who stays” after Audrey and Marnie get into a bitchfight at dinner. And she is still pretty hurtful and hateful to Marnie – explaining she can’t believe she came and then not defending her and calling her out on being less sexually adventurous in front of the group (in regards to the butt plug convo).

Talking bout butt plugs.

Talking bout butt plugs.

Shosh's reactions are the best!

Shosh’s reactions are the best!

In the end Hannah turns out to not be the worst person in the world this week when she defends Marnie when Charlie calls her a cunt. Thank god Hannah! I was beginning to think you actually hated Marnie. And even though Marnie wasn’t there to hear her say it, I am glad she did. It sort of illustrates the idea that Marnie is like family to Hannah. Hannah can be as irrationally mean and mad at Marnie as she wants but if anyone else crosses the line — bitches are gonna get cut because no one messes with your best friend. This is oddly true to life because some of the most awful things I have said are to the people I love the most, but if anyone else ever said those things I would not think twice to verbally bitch slap them.

The episode also ends on a nice note for Hannah (points on singing Wonderwall) when she comforts Jessa by just holding her hand and letting her be sad instead of bombarding her with questions. Sometimes you just want to cry and don’t want to talk about stuff. Hannah got that. However, it is SUPER weird that two friends would get into the bath together for this to happen. I love my best friends and have seen all of them naked and we’re totally not prudy people but does anyone else think it’s totally fucking weird to get into a small bathtub with a friend? And gross to the admission of peeing in the tub. That is nasty. Probably nastier than snot rockets. Anyway, congrats Hannah – you aren’t the wound of the week!

Marnie – Marnie shows up to Hannah’s dinner party and is treated like crap right away as Audrey is immediately an asshole and Hannah doesn’t stick up for her. It took serious ladyballs for Marnie to show up but I liked that she did because Hannah getting published is a big deal and she is trying to be a better friend (she even brings wine!). Marnie is clearly uncomfortable with the whole situation and volunteers to leave but Hannah insists everyone stay.

Marnie gets in two really amazing digs at Audrey while they are waiting for Ray and Shosh to show up. After Charlie explains Audrey’s venture into making mustards and Hannah shows amazement at it and wonders what she is doing with her life, Marnie responds that her own life is “Nothing that great. Nothing with condiments”. She then asks Audrey about her awful headbands. Points to Marnie. Especially because Audrey was a bitch first — asking about the hostessing job and in general being terrible.

Eventually Audrey pushes Marnie too far with her repeated use of the word butthole and the uncomfortable confrontation about Marnie staying over at Charlie’s after she had bad sex with a gay guy. Why would Charlie ever tell Audrey this? Unbelievable. The fight escalates between Audrey and Marnie and she runs off after Hannah won’t stand up for her and is going to let Charlie choose who stays.

Hannah: Charlie can pick who leaves.
Marnie:  Are you fucking serious? Grow up!
Hannah: Excuse me: I am grown up. That’s why I cooked all this food!

Oh Hannah – that was awful.Marnie retreats to the roof and of course Charlie (who might actually be the most awful person this episode) tries to comfort her instead of staying with his girlfriend. When Charlie arrives, Marnie launches into a monologue about what a mess she is. I think I have had this exact conversation with my mom and my sister and my best friends before. Sometimes in my mid 20s and even now I just wanted someone to tell me what I am supposed to be and what I should do. What job I should look into. I wanted decisions made for me. I didn’t want to keep making awful mistakes and feel like I wasn’t any closer to figuring it out. It’s a hard place to be and Charlie is kind to her after this heartfelt confession of confusion.

Before he called her the worst name ever.

Before he called her the worst name ever.

Marnie is grateful for his kindness but thought he was just being a friend – until he goes in for an unsolicited kiss. Marnie pushes him away and tells him she is seeing Booth Jonathan and Charlie flips out and calls him a short ewok before pointing to his crotch (I bet he has a small dick) and telling Marnie she is never getting any of that again. Real mature Charlie. Nice.

He then finds out that Audrey has left (duh!) and he has fucked it up big time. He proceeds to call Marnie the c word and gets smacked down by Hannah for being a total jerk. THANK GOD! Hannah and Marnie — please be friends again. You need each other.

SHOSH – It was recently pointed out to me that Shosh isn’t in my season long poll called “The Wound of the Week” that appears at the bottom of these write-ups. This is because Shosh could never EVER be the wound. Everything about her is wonderful. She is the best. When she shows up late to the party and offers an extremely detailed explanation about said lateness – it’s amazing. Even more amazing is that Ray cuts her off and is like “Stop. We were having sex. It’s okay to talk about it.” Yay! Shosh and Ray are grabbing some afternoon delight. Good for them!

Only Shosh could look around Hannah’s newly re-decorated apartment and cheerfully exclaim “I think you’re going to have some of the best years of your life here”. And she means it. Then the butt plug conversation about Hannah and Elijah. Shosh doesn’t know what butt plugs are! I have a hard time believing this because if you put the words together they definitely paint a picture. But her look of horror/wonder when she looks at Ray and says “Do you want that?” is amazeballs.

Rayshanna forever and ever!

Rayshanna forever and ever!

And then the best part. After Hannah asks Ray about his old apartment and he dodges the question and starts talking about staying with friends, Shosh pieces together that he is staying with no one but her. She realizes this at dinner and a look of horror and indignation crosses her face when she finally says “Wait…are we living together?” I mean, had she known she would have bought new sheets and called her aunt! After Ray asks if she is okay her response is perfectly Shosh – “I’m not okay, but we can talk about it when we get back to our shared home”. ZING!

Later in the episode, post awful dinner party (with terrible pad thai that no one but Hannah really ate) – Ray asks Shosh what she sees in a loser like him. He is a loser who lives out of his car and he is 33 years old and he knew soon enough his gorgeous and amazing 21 year old girlfriend would be on to it. So he asks why she’s with him. And Shosh confesses that she is falling in love with him. And it’s heartbreaking and amazing. Shosh is the only character who could get away with this because you believe she’s not cynical about love, she is sincere in everything, including her love of Ray.


Beautiful. Also, WTF with the hair?

And though Ray says it is way too early to say such things, he goes for it anyway and twice tells Shosh he “loves her so fucking much”. The fact that he had to repeat it because the train was going by the first time made it even better and I loved it even more. I hope things work out for these two crazy kids because they are my favorite thing about this season so far. Weirdo love forever.

Jessa – First a general observation about Jessa. She is THE WORST character on this show. She lives her life just collecting experiences so she can tell stories about them later that make her seem cool and more interesting, but she never goes beyond the surface of anything. Thomas John gets it right when they have  their relationship ending fight and calls her out by saying that this marriage is just another story you can tell people.

Jessa is obsessed with being too cool. I hate it. She’s such a smug pug all the time and acts like she has everything figured out, but I feel that of all the Girls she is the one who is the least adult. She is always putting on a show of authority and cool and being this independent individual but in actuality she reminds me of a teenager — trying on identities and never caring about anything enough to really commit to it, whether it’s a job or a place or a man.

Anyway, we should discuss her storyline this week since it turns out to be major for her. While I know Thomas John was never going to be around for long, I didn’t suspect things would implode this soon. Jessa shows her petulant teenager side when she meets Thomas John’s parents for dinner. While I can agree that they are annoyingly bourge-y I don’t think Jessa had to push so many buttons.

jessa and tj

First the whole “I hate this restaurant, but I don’t care because I’m happy to see you” bit is awful and she keeps it up. I could feel her trying to sabotage everything just for fun and to fuck with these people. Talking about rehab and how she hasn’t been to Spain because she’s “avoiding someone” is so calculated and you can feel how cool Jessa is trying to be. It’s maddening. Thomas John (whom I loathe) actually defends her and I feel bad for him. You know you’re being awful when someone feels bad for that douche rocket.

After they get home they get into one of those fights that you can only have when you’ve been around someone long enough to know their weak points and flaws they are most self-aware of. Jessa attacks how ordinary, boring, and average TJ is and TJ attacks Jessa for being more interested in money than she cares to admit and for just being a fucked up, too cool, collector of stories. The most telling “too cool for school” Jessa line happens in this fight “I will look 50 when I’m 30.” Eww. I hated her in that moment. Just because you’ve fucked up a lot doesn’t mean you’ve lived Jessa. You need therapy.

Both people wound each other with words in a way that there is no going back from and just like that Jessa is single again. The episodes ends with her going to Hannah’s and then creepily getting into the tub and crying and blowing a nasty snot rocket. Doesn’t anyone have boundaries? I am glad Jessa’s marriage is over, but I hope she learns from it and stops trying to be a certain way and buying into her own shit. She needs to figure out who she is and what she really wants. All the Girls do — but Jessa more than the rest.

Winner of the episode – Shoshanna and Ray, Marnie

Wounds of the Week – Jessa, Charlie

Note – The Wound of the Week is here again. Please vote. This poll is keeping a running tab throughout the course of the season and I’ll dedicate a blog to the biggest wound at the end of the season. Yes, I realize there is no Shosh. Get on board with that.

Girls S2 E3 – I Wanna Raise Show Dogs!

1 Feb

I need to first begin with a general note of praise for this show. I feel like no other television series (that is not So You Think You Can Dance) captures the magic of dancing quite like this show does. How it expresses the joy or frustration you can’t help but unleash or the feeling of being young and alive.

Last season we had some great dance moments – Hannah and Marnie dancing to Robyn in their apartment, the dancing at the rave episodes and at Jessa’s wedding, and this week we had the amazing dance sequence set to my anthem of last spring, Icona Pop’s “I Love It”. Who hasn’t had the experience of being crazy drunk or on something and just feeling the need to dance it out in a club or bar? The scene between Hannah and Elijah (complete with lip syncing) was crazy amazing and I. DON’T. CARE! I LOVE IT!

Just a little shot of the best scene this season.
Just a little shot of the best scene this season.

Now that I’ve gotten that note out of my system it’s time to check in on our ladies and see what they were up to this week. We’ll begin with Marnie and Jessa since they were pretty much relegated to the sidelines (again) for this episode. I am beginning to wonder if Jemima Kirke’s real life bun in the oven had something to do with her being mostly absent thus far in the season.

Shoshanna – Unfortunately Shosh can’t win this episode because she was in it for all of 4 minutes. But in those 4 minutes she preached truth in telling Hannah that all of the crackheads hang out in the lobby of apartment buildings near the mailbox. I can say that this seems pretty dead on as the biggest weirdos ever always do seem to be creeping in that area. If we don’t get a Shosh centric episode soon, I might die a little inside and curse this show. MORE SHOSH!

Jessa – This might be terrible to admit but I sort of forgot she existed on this show until they showed her illegal stoop sale as a way to bring all four characters together and find a way for Hannah to find coke for her story/experiment. I can’t really remember what Jessa said but she was there and sadly sans puppies. I am feeling very indifferent about her this season.

Okay let’s get down to business – we’ll get to Hannah first and then poor, beaten down Marnie. This episode was really weird to me because it felt like I was watching two shows — one was a hilarious and risky comedy (Hannah and Elijah on coke!) and the other a super cringe-worthy spiraling down the drain of self hate story (starring Season 2 MVP – Marnie).

Hannah – Hannah was both the best and the worst in this episode so I’m not sure how to talk about this all. Her meeting in the lobby for jazzhate online magazine was truly funny and awful and makes me die inside knowing that I am going to move to New York when I return from Japan and might have to deal with this shit. Thankfully, unlike Hannah I would never ever take a job where they suggest I do coke or have a threesome with people I meet on Craigslist for a story.

The whole “Where the Magic Happens” and the “Your Comfort Zone” visual bit was comedic gold and Dunham really had me busting up with her confused looks and confirmation that it meant the magic happens outside of your comfort zone. Jesus, good stuff. After admitting she’s never done coke (me either Hannah – and you’re welcome Mom! We all know you read these even though you don’t watch Girls) the editor tells her that it would be even more perfect. Do a bunch of coke and write about it.

Mesh shirts and glow necklaces.

Mesh shirts and glow necklaces.

The coke scenario leads us to the previously mentioned stoop sale where the girls discuss where to buy coke (and Marnie shows her surprise and disgust at such a thing) and the girls (except Hannah) mention that  Laird, Hannah’s creepster downstairs neighbor, is a junkie. This cues up a super awkward and funny meet and greet in the apartment hallway where Hannah is invited into a smitten Laird’s apartment and tries to give her POM juice before she gets around to mentioning her need for drugs.

I loved the little things in this scene — Laird’s turtle (and his seemingly irrational hatred of it), the refrigerator filled with mostly pomegranate juice, and Laird’s knowledge of Hannah’s wireless network names and magazine subscriptions. He is obviously interested in her and Hannah sees that as a cue to ask him to score her coke. He admits he is now clean and Hannah (being the worst) says something like “You just didn’t look clean, but uh, congratulations, that’s great”. Laird is so into her that he offers to get her coke anyway and she accepts. Who DOES that? Who let’s a recovering addict risk his sobriety to get you some coke for a story? You’re the pits Horvath!

But if Hannah hadn’t been an asshole we wouldn’t be given the glorious exploits that follow as Elijah and Hannah binge on coke and party like it’s 1999. The scenes where they are both motormouthing about their secret desires and Elijah admits he really really wants to raise show dogs was fan-fucking-tastic. Hannah writing out the idea on the wall in marker and Elijah’s “But that’s my dream. I meant write YOUR dream” was sooo good.

The Andrew/Andrew explanation, the outfit picked out by Elijah, the general fear that both of them had before going down the subway steps and then the glorious dancing and bonding at the club all had me laughing my ass off and nodding my head in acknowledgement of it’s spot on brilliance. There were too many great lines to list, but this part of the episode was a total joy. I loved Hannah switching shirts with the guy and then remaining in a yellow mesh half shirt for the remainder of the episode.

Of course Hannah can’t win this episode though because she Horvath’s it and makes Elijah’s admission about sleeping with Marnie all about her. UGH. I just wanted to slap her when she insisted they see Marnie immediately and then when she shows up at Booth Jonathan’s apartment to ream her out for being the bad friend. Dear Hannah, if you were trying to prove a point about you being the good friend – don’t show up coked out at your friend’s booty call and then call her out for being awful. It was a dick move. You aren’t the good friend Hannah — neither of you are good friends so stop acting smug and superior.

Call the wah-mbulance.
Call the wah-mbulance.

The episode also ends with two more dick moves when Hannah tells Elijah he can’t live with her anymore (Really Hannah — you can’t just kick out your roommates every time you have a fight – unless you want to live with completely awful creepers from Craigslist or your friend’s cousin’s friend’s boyfriend who is moving to the city soon-ish). Then, Hannah sleeps with poor, smitten, nearly relapsed Laird in the name of getting a good story out of it for jazzhate. Gross.

Marnie Okay Girls, I get it – Marnie needed to be knocked off her high horse a little bit and start figuring her shit out, but did she have to be knocked off this hard? I know bad things happen in your early 20s and questionable choices are made but watching Marnie this episode and realizing how far she has fallen was nearly torturous. Like Dumb and Dumber style – “We’ve got no jobs, we’ve got no money, our pets HEADS are falling off” kind of being knocked down.

Marnie doesn’t have the job she wants and doesn’t know what she wants but that doesn’t mean she needs to be insulted with a “You work here? That is so fucking pathetic” from Booth. Thankfully Marnie seemed to have a little fight in her when she retorted haughtily and gave a biting criticism of Booth’s work. However, her self loathing leads her to accept an invitation into the creepiest fucking apartment/bank vault of all time.

Oh Marnie, pull yo shit together girl!

Oh Marnie, pull yo shit together girl!

Booth’s apartment is chock full of horrors and awful “cutting edge” art. Vomit noise. Marnie is locked into a wall of televisions and made to watch horrific visions of animals decomposing, babies crying and more while Duncan Shiek’s ‘Barely Breathing’ loudly blasts over the speakers. It’s awful. And when Marnie emerges with a “What the fuck? What the fuck was that” – which was perfectly delivered by Allison Williams — I thought — thank god — our girl is back – she is going to strut out of the apartment and get her shit together.

But no. She tells Booth it’s brilliant and ends up face down on the bed while Booth bones her and makes more sex grunting noises than wild boars mating and forces Marnie to look at a doll and talk about its sad feelings. I was dying inside for Marnie at this point. And I died even more when she seemed pleased with herself as she told Hannah she was at Booth’s.

And then Hannah shows up and flips out on Marnie about the Elijah ‘two and a half pumps’ of sex incident and basically tells her she is a piece of shit friend. I stand by that while what Marnie did was a shitty thing, but she is not a shitty friend.

She has her flaws, but she is not the monster Hannah made her into in her diatrube. But because Marnie is so convinced right now she is a piece of shit (no direction in life, a job that has her flirting with old dudes for tips, a guy who degrades her during sex and locks her in an arthouse horror show, etc) that she takes the coke fueled word vomit from Hannah to heart. She starts to cry and admits she’s the worst and then goes to puke. It was awful. I miss the days when Hannah and Marnie were friends, don’t you? I know that friends fight and can grow apart – but let’s get them back together Dunham. Ok?

Video evidence that Hannah and Marnie are totally much better as friends:

Elijah – If this really is the last of you, I am going to miss you immensely. You reminded me of the best/worst year of my life when I lived with my best gay and we did things like get super drunk off of Franzia and lay down on our couches listening to the Wicked soundtrack as we sang and cried. Or the nights that we’d have improvisational dance parties (which were recorded) to the stylings of Cyndi Lauper and late 80s Madonna.

You were the best and I hope The New Normal gets cancelled so you can come back to Girls — where you belong. Au revoir you perfectly coiffed and catty gentleman. I’ll be pouring out some Franzia for you next week.

Future show dog owner and gem of my heart.

Future show dog owner and gem of my heart.

Laird – You were perfectly cast and a great little character. I don’t want to see you in many more episodes but I won’t mind if you pop up occasionally to be creepy and cry.

Episode Winner – Elijah, Hannah’s mesh shirt, Laird’s turtle

It’s a Draw – Hannah was both a winner and loser this week

Episode Loser/Wound of the Week – Booth Jonathan