Let’s get right down to business with this. The second season opens much like the first one did with cuddling in bed with her roommate — but this time it’s Elijah with his boner (“It’s not for you.” – first line of the ep that made me LOL) instead of Marnie with her retainer. I liked the weird symmetry of the scene as it showed us how much has changed but also not changed at the same time – which is a pretty accurate description of what has happened in our character’s lives between the first season and now. So what’s going on with our favorite self-absorbed ladies you ask? Well here you go.
Hannah – She is still totally the worst. And it only took about 2 minutes in to show her naked and getting it on. I was really confused for the first ten minutes of this episode because I had no idea how much time had passed. All of a sudden Hannah has a new boyfriend (Troy from Community) and they are furiously boning on a couch and then chasing each other around some sort of book store or something? What? What about Adam, Hannah? Huh? You know the guy you basically pined after for all of last season who got hit by a car (kind of your fault bt dubs). Anyway, I know they mentioned meeting at the coffee shop where she worked but I also felt like this was a way for Girls to address the race issue that had so many people up in arms last season. It felt like a ploy. I didn’t like it. Also, I hope they don’t waste Donald Glover because he is a great actor and pretty adorable (and way too cute for Hannah I think).
So it seems Hannah and Adam are still each others main hang and she still cuddles with him, changes his bedpan, fetches his vitamins, watches movies with him, etc because she feels responsible for his accident and broken leg (also — because she is totes still in love with him). I wanted to bitch slap her after she told Adam she has been constantly doing things for other people (Really Hannah? Really?) and was sick of it and needs to not be with him. She is the worst. I also hate when she is all like “I feel how I feel because I’m an individual, blah blah blah”. No one cares Hannah!
The only redeeming thing about Hannah in this episode was her gleeful banter with Elijah about being the best roommates evah! My best gay and I lived together for a year and I can say with absolute truth that we had the same conversations about having themed dinner parties and trying to be classy as shit. This never really panned out but we once had a New Years Eve party with a case of Andre champagne and shrimp cocktail. Trust me, it was pretty great. But outside of this I must go with a quote from last season and declare Hannah the “wound” of this episode. Sidenote – The epi ends with Hannah going to Sandy’s house (ewww, that would be his name) to “borrow” a book – it reveals she has a matching thong and bra set and I call bullshit. There is no way Hannah would ever own that. She is likely to be the girl wearing bathing suit bottoms instead of underwear since she ran out of clean stuff — not the girl in the matching set. Get it right Dunham!
Marnie – I loved to hate Marnie for much of last season. She was such a little bitch but in many ways, that is why I respect her. She thinks she is the truth teller but she can’t face the truths about herself. I am ashamed to admit that the character I most identify and relate to is Marnie and that has caused some serious self loathing whilst watching this show. However, I I feel for Marnie. I was “downsized” from my first big girl job too. It’s the worst and so I find myself relating even more to her. Trying to seem like she is together while she is actually falling apart….girl — let’s talk – I wanna give you life advice.
Moments that made me love Marnie – Her reaction shots to her mom’s oversharing about sex with the cater waiter, her take down of Charlie (who is also the total pits) with the “yeah, a conversation” line, when she tried to harmonize with Elijah while singing Sarah McLachlan’s “Building a Mystery” (Sidebar – last year I found out several people I have met in Japan under the age of 25 did NOT know who Sarah Mclachlan was and I was really incensed)., Marnie saying “I know” after Elijah told her she was a good singer and should be in a band — I love over the top self confidence.
Moments that made me want to punch Marnie in the Ovaries – Marnie being such a prudish bitch when her mom tried to open up to her (even if it was gross), Marnie semi-stalking Charlie and getting satisfaction out of seeing that he is smothering Audrey too (no one likes a smug pug Marnie!), Marnie keeping her clothes and dress on when Elijah tried to bang her — I know, I know, we all totally have that one friend who really hates to be naked in front of other people even if they have a good body/no known deformities and in some ways this tidbit makes Marnie more endearing but also — stop being such a prudy McPruderson Marnie — you were going to bang him, Marnie ending the episode by going to cuddle with the love smothering Charlie. UGH. I love Marnie’s shameful spiral but I also hate it.
Shoshanna – The best character ever. Shoshanna wins this episodes hands down. First with her cleansing her apartment, followed by the best conversation ever with Elijah and Hannah about losing her v-card to Ray ‘ I wouldn’t say I miss it, but it’s like something is missing”. Damn it Shosh – you are hilarious. Your outfit at the party was amazing. The cut away shot to you singing Sean Kingston’s ‘Beautiful Girls’ might have made me laugh so hard I peed my pants because you totally would, the cut away to you pretending you were a DJ when you thought no one was watching, your hair flip and dramatically awkward encounters with Ray at the party, finding out you sent ridiculous emoji texts, standing up for yourself when Ray was being a total dick, and then the best line of the night “I can deal with it because I have my big girl pants on”. God, I love you. I have no complaints about you at all and sometimes wish this show exclusively followed you around and that sometimes we got voice-over narration of what you were thinking like stupid Zach Braff on Scrubs used to.
Also this link. Amazing. http://www.vulture.com/2013/01/found-the-many-emojis-of-girls-shoshanna.html
You were barely in this episode and truthfully I forgot about you until you reappeared with your horrible husband and your even more horrible holiday cornrows. You aren’t pulling it off girl. No other comments on her for now.
Other people –
Elijah – I love you even if you tried to sleep with Marnie and you’re kind of a dick with an awful boyfriend. You are funny and I’m glad you’re here. Also, I was hilariously surprised by his aggressive kissing style with Marnie and call it true to life. I have had many a gay man’s tongue in my mouth (awkward over-share — you’re welcome) and stand by that they are the most aggressive kissers I’ve ever encountered. A few times when we’ve been drunk I’ve gotten face raped by one of my gay guy pals and so Marnie and Elijah’s booze fueled make out sesh was pretty spot on.
Charlie – Ugh, you’re still on this show? Go away and build a bunk bed out of “found objects” and then write a song about it.
Adam – I feel sorry for you because you’re injured and because you are in love with the worst character on the show. Apologies.
Ray – I hate that you were a dick to Shoshanna but I love how much you actually like her and all her weirdness. Now go lock it down.
Jessa’s Husband – Go die of explosive diarrhea or something equally horrible. You are awful.
Episode Winner – Shoshanna, with Marnie a close second and the feather in Shosh’s hat as the third
Episode Loser – Hannah, Charlie, everyone who was not Shosh or Marnie